Few days ago, I woke up to the red light on my ‘girlfriend’ (the name I call my blackberry device). As it has come to be, it was a message from someone with whom I start, live and end each day. This someone was a classmate way back in the university. We just made it the small matter of exchanging greetings whenever we sat together during practicals, lectures or when we all stabbed classes for different reasons. The closest we got was at our 4 day stay in Porto Novo during my class excursion in 2007.


The beauty of friendship…Company

Fast forward years later, the one I never saw as a friend because I was busy minding my own ‘crew’ while he held his own ‘side’ has become more than a friend to me. He is the confidant, the paddy, the amebo and what have you. It took us a few years to recognize and appreciate what we meant to one another; it took us a while to draw one another closer as friends and confidants.

My interaction with this fellow brought back memories of the potentially beneficial individuals I have judged too soon in the years on earth. There have been people who would have added a few things to me that I pushed away for reasons that are irritating, reasons that cannot be justified for any reason at all, or reasons that hold lots of water.

omo n co

Allowing people the chance to come in, being open, is key to not lose ones who can make you happy

A friend sent me a text message recently appreciating me for a few favours I did for her. At the end she made a remark in Yoruba language which translates as “getting closer to a person exposes his/her true nature”. She said she’s always judged me on face value as someone who has a ‘haughty spirit’; whatever that means. The few things she said I did, which was nothing to me, was what changed her perception of me.

I became convicted within myself at that instant. It means that is what I have also been doing to some people in my life and on my way. Maybe I should add that I am a paranoid person. No apologies though because I have seen a few things that made me that way – betrayals of trust, disloyalty and the like. I have however learnt to judge each person based on what he shows himself or herself to be.


Judge each person by their merit, not on what you are told

Many of us have been hurt by the ones we hold close to the extent that to open up to make new friends from among the people with whom we daily interact has become difficult. I urge you to do as I have agreed with my friend who triggered this piece. We decided to be “a bit more open to and with people this year”.

Sometimes we judge people based on what we have heard about them from other people. That, while it can be safe, can also be unfair in all regards. I believe in personally relating with individuals and not based on whatever I might have heard about such people. I know of people whom different things have been said of by different people. So why base your judgment on what someone said about someone?


Friends for life: Weathered the storm together, and have stuck together for long

I noticed I have maybe lost a few opportunities to make friends with those who would have added value to me, pushed away people who would have benefited from me and even been indifferent to those with whom I would have had a symbiotic relationship. The time has come to change that. Now is the time to change and explore what the people around us will add to us and vice versa.

Ask yourself about the friends you should have had, the ones you have lost, the ones you can still have again; and make that move.

I’m out of here…xoxoxoxoxo


About oscarpoems

Finds great pleasure in reading and writing my thoughts. Chartered Animal Scientist, writes poems and articles for leisure and fulfillment. Lover of God, country and humanity.
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17 Responses to THE MANY ‘FRIENDS’ WE LOSE

  1. AyB.Blog says:

    True! We prejudge and go in with such expectations of people that often, such interactions are bound to fail.

  2. oluwaseun says:

    Spot on friend. I wish I could wind back the hands of time to my university days, I will be less serious academically and make more friends as I have come to discovered that one can really go far and faster in life with the right mix of friends. Ore, friendship matters a whole lot and I will do anything to keep my friends. Well done pal.

  3. deboadejube says:

    Nice thought pattern. This world is about the people we meet and how they’ve been able to impact our lives.

    If you want a friend, it is actually better to be one first. You’ll notice that everything falls into place afterwards. I was gripped all through this piece and it ministered to me in more ways than most, I actually identify with most things you pointed out. Kudos.

    Good piece.

  4. waleflame says:

    Time spent together with friends may never be recovered. Cherish the friends you have, do all the good u can in all the places to all the people. Lovely piece..

  5. olufemi awogboro says:

    Friendship is a topic individuals ignore on purpose. Well, I had my fair share of new friends in 2012 & had to do away with old unprofitable ones. Don’t judge me. Nice piece brother mi onkowe. You can always do better. I expect more

  6. Sheyi Omishade says:

    What a piece…nice one ..God bless u real good

  7. theshaione says:

    Very nice piece. The importance of making n nurturing GOOD friendships. Not those FWBs lotsa peeps do ds dayz.

  8. @seunmike says:

    Judging a book by its cover is a crime most of us are guilty of

  9. Babawale biyi says:

    Nice article…some of the time we seem to forget that only small visions are easy to accomplish without collaborative effort…one to a 1000,two 10,000.

  10. @showshanah says:

    Though provoking I must say………some of the thoughts being…..

    *Okay we should be open…..does that mean we give every tom, dick and harry a chance?
    *What exactly does being open mean?
    *Where do we draw the line……are we to to just trust ‘blindly’
    *Where does caution come in…….Friends av been know to be saprophitic but some do av parasitic tendencies……


  11. tonypox says:

    Good piece. I am the kinda guy that doesn’t take first impressions seriously. That impression may just push away a wonderful out of your life.

  12. I know this like I know I am a male, first impressions are just what they are, ‘impressions’. Having staged a lot of first impressions myself. I love this piece. Now I know better than to judge a book by its cover.

  13. Oyinreigns to'rule says:

    Hmmmm! Dis is true thou i don’t judge pple by wat dey say abt dem, it only help me to b careful @ 1st to knw if dey r gonna do d same as av heard buh if it is sumtin diff den we r gud to go as friends. Everytin in life is base on risk, if u can’t risk tinz u’ve got nothing to achieve den. 2 heads r better dan 1 and 2 wrongs will neva make right.
    Oscar well done! More strength to ur elbow and also 4 d pix dey wil encourage sum pple dat dare r still real friends!

  14. Aya oshodi says:

    Seye mi owon……….am so in love with this piece.

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