Few days ago, I woke up to the red light on my ‘girlfriend’ (the name I call my blackberry device). As it has come to be, it was a message from someone with whom I start, live and end each day. This someone was a classmate way back in the university. We just made it the small matter of exchanging greetings whenever we sat together during practicals, lectures or when we all stabbed classes for different reasons. The closest we got was at our 4 day stay in Porto Novo during my class excursion in 2007.
Fast forward years later, the one I never saw as a friend because I was busy minding my own ‘crew’ while he held his own ‘side’ has become more than a friend to me. He is the confidant, the paddy, the amebo and what have you. It took us a few years to recognize and appreciate what we meant to one another; it took us a while to draw one another closer as friends and confidants.
My interaction with this fellow brought back memories of the potentially beneficial individuals I have judged too soon in the years on earth. There have been people who would have added a few things to me that I pushed away for reasons that are irritating, reasons that cannot be justified for any reason at all, or reasons that hold lots of water.
A friend sent me a text message recently appreciating me for a few favours I did for her. At the end she made a remark in Yoruba language which translates as “getting closer to a person exposes his/her true nature”. She said she’s always judged me on face value as someone who has a ‘haughty spirit’; whatever that means. The few things she said I did, which was nothing to me, was what changed her perception of me.
I became convicted within myself at that instant. It means that is what I have also been doing to some people in my life and on my way. Maybe I should add that I am a paranoid person. No apologies though because I have seen a few things that made me that way – betrayals of trust, disloyalty and the like. I have however learnt to judge each person based on what he shows himself or herself to be.
Many of us have been hurt by the ones we hold close to the extent that to open up to make new friends from among the people with whom we daily interact has become difficult. I urge you to do as I have agreed with my friend who triggered this piece. We decided to be “a bit more open to and with people this year”.
Sometimes we judge people based on what we have heard about them from other people. That, while it can be safe, can also be unfair in all regards. I believe in personally relating with individuals and not based on whatever I might have heard about such people. I know of people whom different things have been said of by different people. So why base your judgment on what someone said about someone?
I noticed I have maybe lost a few opportunities to make friends with those who would have added value to me, pushed away people who would have benefited from me and even been indifferent to those with whom I would have had a symbiotic relationship. The time has come to change that. Now is the time to change and explore what the people around us will add to us and vice versa.
Ask yourself about the friends you should have had, the ones you have lost, the ones you can still have again; and make that move.
I’m out of here…xoxoxoxoxo