CAVEAT: Do not push blames on any of the parties concerned and do not pity me. I did this to feel better and not to attract sympathy of any sort!
“When its real, you can’t walk away”
I know most folks reading this might first see this as a love epistle except you and some few others but then, it is what it is and we are who we are. This might be long and boring but you should do well to be PATIENT and read it through and thoroughly.
I have no regrets falling in love with you and will forever appreciate the moments we shared, you know me so well to know these facts.
I don’t regret that move I made on the 12th of April, 2012 when I made the first ever contact. It wasn’t a physical one, it was virtual and I hold that memory close, close to my heart.
See, I wouldn’t know the time and moment you started giving me a shot, a chance at loving me, just like I don’t know the period you close your heart, steel yourself and decide not to care anymore, all those do not matter now anyway.
An average individual believes you don’t deserve whatever from me but only you and I know what we shared and they do not really matter. What matters is what I feel is best to do as most of them have rightly pointed out too. You felt on your part that the best I deserved was what you did, this is mine. This is what I felt best to do!
Hey you, you hurt me so bad; you hurt me to the point of me thinking of strangling you but of course, you know who I am and I will never be capable of doing that to you or any human being at all, you know I’d rather forgive those who wrong me than let them suffer.
Before I start talking about ‘us’, the ‘us’ that exists no more, I’d love to thank you for adding colour to my life for the period we shared, a period close to two years. I assumed the period to be 2 years and 2 days. Only you and God Almighty knows the exact duration, the point where and when I was firstly a broke Corps member and then the onward transition to being a broke unemployed fellow, yet you stood by me. That I appreciate in immeasurable terms.
See, everyone comes into our lives to play a role or the other, you have played yours and it was magnificent while you did, you have your flaws but then, those are a part of whom you are, those are the things that made you whole and falling in love means accepting the totality of the humanity of someone. I fell in love with you!
It is an empirical belief in some quarters that it takes twice or half of a relationship period to get over heartbreak, that makes my supposed period of recovery four years or one year respectively, some even pegged it at two years but then, if that is the real case, you should be sure a record is about to be broken. I still hold you dear but then, I’d cure before any of those periods stated.
There’s no point dwelling on the past, it is a lesson for you, for me, for whoever is privy to what we shared either passively or actively and a lesson to anyone fortunate or unfortunate enough to stumble on this. If we continue to revel in the past, we won’t move on and then, what will be this life, if we all don’t move on hence, I digress.
An individual’s happiness is not reliant on anyone but on such person thus you deserve to be happy with or without me. Everyone is in pursuit of happiness. At this point, if you have found happiness which I am certainly sure you have, I am sincerely happy for you and I will want it to remain that way. I am pretty sure you have found someone else because no one leaves a ‘not so bad’ relationship without the guarantee of a safe landing.
My sincere advise now is for you to never ever compare him with me and vice versa. You might think this is funny, you might think he’s better and you might think that is why you have moved on to him. He’s not, everyone is unique in their own little way. We can never be the same, so that you won’t look back and start saying so and so would never do this or that to me. Care for him, make him happy more than you made me do, I am sure you’d do this to him, you are a total lover. The way he’d handle it is up to no one but him sha.
It is painful I lost you, I’d rather say we lost each other but then, as they always say: a broken relationship is way better than a broken marriage. It is true walahi, because there and then, we would have brought in innocent souls who will be affected by such action.
I am sure you remember what I told you about relationship creed even if you claimed to have forgotten in the latter days of ‘us’. I am very sure you never forgot trust, loyalty, respect and communication, I am very sure you remember because those were the exact things you broke on your way out.
I know it took you so much strength, so much energy and it even drained you at a point to let what we shared go. I don’t know the point you decided, I don’t care who inspired it and I don’t even want to know what motivated it, all I know is you hurt me so bad and that I have totally forgiven you.
I don’t need yours or anyone’s pity however. No matter how long or short it takes, I’d pick up the pieces of what is left of my shattered heart, mend it and find love again.
You will discover I never referred to you as ‘ex’, I refer to none of the ladies I have shared my life with as such. I cherish every moment I spent in each and every of my previous relationships including this, and that is the reason no one has ever and will ever come forward to tell the world I left them heartbroken. From the one we spent 6 weeks to the one we spent close to two years, I am no one’s ex. Same reason a certain lady who I wooed consciously and unconsciously for 5years but never dated me still respects me.
The simple truth and reality is, whoever we are going to spend our lives with will never ever leave us for anything, anyone or any reason in the world. Once we accept that “whatever mouth go chop no go pass mouth” and “water wey person go drink no go flow pass am”, we will know that everyone we meet has a role to play in our lives and once they are done playing the role, nothing in the world will hold them back from moving on.
I am glad that I met a ‘girl’ and a ‘lady’ left me. The last statement looked an insult to me on the surface but those who think deep enough knows what that statement means, I won’t say anything more than that.
One more thing: You seem to have lost the respect of some folks the way you treated them because of me. You seem to have lost their regard but you act not to care, you don’t give a flying f**k. You should my dear because everyone we meet in life has a role to play. You don’t just lose people because you want to lose someone, you don’t burn down a house because you wanna get rid of a troublesome jerry.
You might think it is the way to go, but posterity has a way of being the judge sometime later. You might think you won’t ever need these folks and you might be shocked you’d need them later. Build fences if you so desire, but never burn bridges; kill a mouse if you will but why raze the house while doing that?
Before I start to get boring which I am sure I am to you from the first sentence, I’d like to mention again that I do not want to be pitied by you or anyone else. This is for you and I to feel better about the decision you have taken. You owe no one but yourself and your God an explanation so feel free, breathe easy and do whatever you have to do.
I don’t regret falling in love with you, I would never regret that. I will never regret any period we shared even the latter stages from February to April of this year where I suffered serious humiliation from you.
Thank you for being who you were, who you are and whoever you are going to be.
Hearty regards to Alhaja, popman and your siblings. I won’t forget your little niece. It hurts I never met the little angel. Most importantly, huge regards to the one who has become what I was. I wish you both all of the best.