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Twelve months ago, I was in a terrible place! Now read the previous sentence again and jump this before going to the next. The days leading to my birthday were dark. I was sad, I was angry, felt every possible negative emotion. Anyone who has gone through or is going through that evil thing called depression may tell me how close I was to it. Despite that, I tried to keep smiling. I tried like Lagbaja advised not to carry my problems around on my face.

Now, folks who know me personally would understand that I mostly don’t dwell on negatives. Even when I am surrounded by obvious negatives, I still find ONE positive that trumps them all. However, as much as I was trying to wriggle out of the ‘hole’, I was sinking deeper. I got into so much reflection about how the years had gone and I saw reasons to be angrier. I threw up a lot of ‘if it had not been’ and ‘what if I’ situations.

Those days, I would wake up and manage a smile for those around me before going on to where I worked at the time. I had the unhelpful situation of having to drive down to my workplace all by myself which was a fertile ground for those heartbreaking and annoying thoughts. No one really knew, not even my wife! In the middle of it, I still gave myself time to cheer my guys up while I retired to my pain.

You may be excused for trying to wrap your head around what the problem might have been then. The main reason was best known to me. Things around me got a lift in the mid-2010s and I was gradually hitting the spot with the motive to break through in different aspects. Much to my dismay, a few unpalatable events happened that took me from going up and sent me back to the level beyond zero.

I retreated and had to find a way to start again, but there was no way. You know how it feels when you are in the middle of nowhere with no escape route. That was how it was but thank God for support systems. If you noticed that I suddenly withdrew, that was it. If I was no longer communicating, it was because I was fighting to get out of ‘jail’.

So back to where we were coming from. My birthday in 2023 was approaching and I was almost seeing no reason to be cheerful or happy. Some folks around me who were not even as ‘good’ were having it good. It felt like the whole world had left me behind. It did not look as if my ideas made sense or if I could even contribute anything meaningful around me. I felt like a failure, a struggling failure.

One of my birthday mates was asking me questions on the day and my response was me not holding back. I could see that she felt like throwing a pity party for me but I was past caring. I opened up to some of my friends who also were on hand to rub minds with me. Not like they had solutions to my feelings but they made themselves available, and I remain eternally grateful for this.

Thank God I was able to snap out after a while. There is a ‘person who speaks to me that no one sees. I hear him audibly when it’s time to converse and he was my saving grace. My person spoke to me many times and I began to see things from a different perspective. I started getting bullish about things. It gave birth to my new mantra which was to “never worry about what you have no control over”.

These days, I have become a different person. I only bother about what is within my control and leave the rest. After all, my worrying is not the solution. With this mindset, I realized that things eventually evened out.

That taught me to reduce my worry or anxiety no matter the situation. It made me bolder that I would even start anticipating the next challenge so I can emerge victorious. It is no longer a ‘the-whole-world-is-against-me’, it is now me against the world. It is now a Declan Rice versus five Liverpool counter-attackers (apologies to non-football lovers).

Take a cue from me, leave the whole page blank. Don’t give it a title so it doesn’t scare you. Then come back and let us share success stories and tales of victory. And if it did not work out as planned, try again and again and again. You will win.

LA FAMILIA!

In my short years of living, the importance of family to my growth and development cannot be overemphasized. It is with a sense of pride that I say to anyone who cares that I come from a close-knit family. Right from the nuclear family where we all carry one another’s burdens and celebrate our wins together, to the extended side which includes both my paternal and maternal relatives, it is a unit anyone would be proud of.

In terms of relationships, what I had with my cousin Adewale Akinade is close to the filial relationship between a child and a parent. Or how does one describe the one who was there to take care of one as a toddler and continued up until adulthood? While we may have slowed down over the years, we remain very cordial.

Growing up, my Dad was mostly out of Ibadan. I remember vividly how we traveled to pay him a visit in Ilaro, a town in Ogun state. The ‘we’ here was the trio of Mom, Yinka and me. Those were days when Dad was the Correspondent in Ilaro. He was later transferred to Calabar and subsequently Lagos. All the while, we spent plenty time at the SPAC community in Sango with my paternal aunt, Pastor Comfort Adegboyega, who is also more of a grandmother than an aunt. Mom would drop us there and head to her office while we would be taken to school and return there till she came to pick us up and we go back home at Ijokodo, all in Ibadan.

Sango was a community for us and there we forged alliances that remain valid today, these relationships are not biological but we remain constants in one another’s lives.

I continue to respect my parents for the lives of sacrifice they have both lived till now. We attended schools anyone would be proud of and they made it look as if it was comfortable for them when they were only striving and doing their best.

My paternal cousins who are numerous to mention are the best anyone can wish for. We shared a close bond when we were growing up and some of us remain very good, going to different extremes to see ourselves rise and make meaning out of life.

We had Pastor Adewole Babalola, who we called Big Daddy. It is such a shame that we did not take a picture together. Baba would have been 87 on July 25th. Any family with that kind of Big Daddy is very blessed. This I write without any bit of contradiction. He was quite a good example of many things. He took life very easily and was a role model for me. Some of the things I do and how I carry myself are down to the things I learnt from his lifestyle. Big Daddy was the pillar on which I rested in uni.

He once called me into his office and shared with me how my Dad sacrificed his early education so that he (Big Daddy) could stay in school. According to him, that was why he would go to any length to ensure my Dad and his children got the best education possible. He ensured that he stayed true to this promise. It is quite unfortunate that I was unable to reciprocate before he passed. It pains me to the bones but The Almighty who owns us all chose to take him, and we knew it was best he departed this planet when he did.

Along with Big Daddy, my cousins in Port Harcourt (Bros Sege, Kayode and Busayo) and the others in the clan who I cannot mention have played tremendous roles over the years.

No one has a paternal side without having a maternal side. Mom, being the only daughter of her family was surrounded by ‘men’, two of whom I spent the last weekend with. Her elder brother with whom I was not so close because he was the one who Mom came to live with in Ibadan and was far older.

However, the duo of Uncles Segun and Sanmi, both Pastors now also took care of me and my brothers when growing up. Uncle Segun was more officious while we liked Uncle Sanmi more because we could relate with him more. However, my first driving experience was with Uncle Segun while waiting for my admission into Junior Secondary School. All that is in the past now though as we relate very easily. Hoping we can do better with their children, who are my maternal cousins because we are not as close as we are with those on my father’s side.

Interestingly though, I maintain a very great relationship with Abiodun Adekanmi, my cousin who got married last weekend. He is the son of my mom’s elder brother. His siblings are equally cordial and his other sibs spent some time with us little children too. They lived in Molete in those days.

The two best siblings anyone can have are Yinka, my first friend and Nifemi who came when I had left home for Olivet Heights Oyo. I hold amazing memories with Yinka who was my playmate along with Tomi. As a team, we did well and have weathered storms together.

Nifemi, who was very much younger became my ‘work’ when I returned to Ibadan. As I finished secondary school and he was still in Subuola Memorial Nursery and Primary School, I was assigned to take him to school. I guess that was where we really bonded. As a toddler, I took him into the dining hall whenever my parents came visiting in Olivet Heights. He was the other sibling I had really desired and when he came, I loved him through and through. I still love him these days and he is making me feel the exact same way.

That I started this 28-day writing challenge is down to his support, which are mental, financial, material and even beyond the ones I have typed. I am typing and writing regularly because of Nifemi, and I am grateful to the Almighty that I have seen him grow into such a fine and calm gentleman, who is ‘useful’ and understands what is expected of him.

Some other people have become family. These ones earned the tag family because of their actions, not because they are blood. We have grown in leaps and bounds, becoming family and staying constant. I only hope and pray life will not rob me of these ones.

OF ANGELS, THEIR HUMAN FORMS AND BEING ONE

Writing today was supposed to be in a totally different direction, but here we are, taking another route. Today was a day that started very well and went ‘very well’. You know one of those days when it just looks as if you have been chosen to enjoy the day’s stress.

I would normally have finished today’s post before this time but the day used me big time. I’d reported at the mechanic early in the morning to sort out a challenge that refused to go away for almost a week. The sound was abnormal and was hiding. Eventually, Sir K (one of my two trusted mechanics) found the terrible sound and we overcame.

Happy that I had won, even if I was angry I had to part with some precious naira, I started for the children’s school so we could beat the wicked traffic snarl that is associated with closing hours. Anyone living in Ibadan knows what the traffic situation is around Oluyole, Akala Express and environs these days. Leave Olodo people out of this, they are in a separate world. Well, going on the school runs was the beginning of the day’s travails because as I was about to park, it looked as if my eyes were working from an alternate universe. The temperature gauge had shot up and the vehicle was overheating.

With the little experience I have garnered over the years, I attended to the issue and thought it had been settled only for us to leave and the challenge reared its ugly head at Challenge. That was where I knew it was going to be a long evening. I did a quick calculation and went to stop where I thought I could get help. That was the point at which I needed an angel!

The person who was called to attend to me was dismissive, and I know it was because of the Ramadan fast that had sapped him of energy. A decision had to be made, do I find a safe place to park and find my way home with the family? Do I try and see if any of my homebound routes will be good enough for an overheating vehicle at a time when most artisans who could attend to it were running back home to break their fast? Do I just leave the car in a safe place? I was conflicted but with Bukky’s input, we decided to risk it and find places to stop for the engine to cool down.

We had hardly reached halfway when one of the hoses burst! Angry, confused, pissed and irritated, but those feelings were not the solution to the challenge that started at Challenge. Those resident in Ibadan will understand the latter portion of the previous sentence. I still needed an angel and I approached an elderly man who was at the makeshift car lot right where it happened. He gave all the needed support by rallying someone who could get the problem fixed to at least get us home. Without that initial support, getting home would have been a problem.

Now, Bukky needed to deliver something to a customer. This would have been done very easily if the day had not taken a funny turn. However, the way our evening had gone meant I would help deliver the stuff while she made dinner. I was very tired but I just had the urge to do the needful. Funny thing was that the profit on the goods sold was not worth me taking a keke, as we call tricycle in these parts, to go and deliver them but I was just constrained in my spirit that I needed to satisfy the customer.

I joined a tricycle that approached my junction and there was only one other passenger who I greeted respectfully and proceeded to respond to messages that were waiting. As we moved a bit forward, the woman spoke, and I looked at her, urging her to repeat what she said.

That was when she told me the horror story of how she went to meet someone who owed her so she could use the money to fix dinner for her family only for the person to disappoint. She said it smiling and all. Now, I would normally respond based on my state of mind at the time which was anything but good. However, I managed a smile and reached for my wallet to give her ‘something’. As I passed her the money, the inner man spoke and asked me if that would be enough to feed myself and my children.

“Ahn ahn! Which level now? Me wey don spend plenty money plus stress on top the vehicle ish? No o, I no dey drop shishi again.”

Inner man was laughing at me but he nudged me to double what I gave, choosing that time to blackmail me emotionally by reminding me of a day I forgot my wallet at home about ten years ago. Now, that day was a Sunday and I had just returned from the night shift. As was customary for me then, I would nap before joining the service in Church. I woke up a bit late and started rushing. In the process, I left home not knowing I was without my wallet and had set myself up for embarrassment.

When it was time to pay, as I was approaching my bus stop, reality dawned and I did not realize I had spoken out – “I’m in real deep shit!”. The guy beside me looked and asked what the problem was which I told him without hesitation. He came through, covered the cab cost and crossed to the other side. He possibly saw that I was rooted to the spot where we both alighted from the cab. Coming back to me, he asked what the way forward was and I told him he had solved only half of my problem as I was now stranded and there was no way I could move without having to beg.

He gave me a 200 naira note and was about to leave but I held him back and asked for his phone number so I could express appreciation. The guy wrote the number and left. Much later in the day, I was going to call him only to discover that the number he gave was incomplete. I tried to no avail. Then I realized he was an angel, the one I needed at that point.

With this memory, I opened my wallet and doubled what I gave the woman. I later came to understand that I insisted on going to deliver that stuff because I was the angel the person needed then. No matter how much I wanted not to go, the fact that I was to be the vehicle for an answered prayer would make me push to go at that time.

We have all met angels at different times, we have been made angels for fellow humans. The prayer as we end day 26 is that may we receive the help and intervention of angels; may we also be angels that will be who and what other people need.

MUSIC AND ME

Sitting today, my mind raced back to mid-2002 which was officially the first year of uni. I call it the first year because we had previously gone through the famed Pre-Degree Science Programme at Ladoke Akintola University of Technology (LAUTECH).  That academic programme was a foundational one through which aspiring students gained admission at the time. It was a way of bypassing the Almighty Unified Matriculation Examination (UME), now known as UTME, and it helped many of us give the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) the middle finger back then.

Those were days when many of my friends starting from Wale and the many others that we were more or less a crew – Loko, Femi, Oyo, Oye, Segzy, Popeson, Sola, Piro, and the list goes on and on, were leaving home for the first time. Having previously had my first three years of secondary school at Olivet Heights Oyo, leaving home was not so strange in its entirety despite returning to Ibadan and becoming a day student while I sojourned at the great Wesley College of Science, an institution of as much value as history.

This post already started with some digressions! Blame me not, it is me talking with my writing. Wale, my bosom friend of over three decades and four years serenaded us with Born To Do It, Craig David’s hit album that ruled the airwaves in the early 2000s. Let me already raise my hand and say I am not so much of a music person. Despite this obvious fact, there are songs that I know because the people around me got to listen to them a lot.

That was when Nigerian hip-hop was fast gaining ground. Talk of Plantashun Boiz which had the trio of 2face, Black Face and Faze; Remedies (Eedris, Tony Montana and Eddy); Olu and Tolu Maintain; Artquake and the others who were becoming very popular and accepted. Along with these guys, my people listened to Nelly and Ashanti, JaRule and Ashanti, Missy Elliot and others of their ilk. Wale Ajala was a massive Shaggy fan so much so that we used it to differentiate him from my other Wale. He became Wale Shaggy while Wale was either Wale or Nackson, a tag he has had since his secondary school days. In fact, Peter preferred to call him Nackson back then.

The non-conformist me however did not tow their line. I was hooked on Chief Commander Ebenezer Obey’s philosophical songs and ensured that I bought different volumes of his Evergreen Songs. For all the love Wale had for hip-hop and other genres, he was a massive Orlando Owoh fan too. For me, it was mostly Ebenezer Obey or Sunny, and both of those were in the absence of anything from my fav, Lagbaja!

I was so much in love with Lagbaja that I could sing all the tracks in the We and Me album. To make it sweeter, tracks like Konko Below, Nothing for You and Tokunbo were trending everywhere in South West Nigeria, and even as far as Port Harcourt. During my Industrial Training in Port Harcourt in 2006, I picked up the Africano album along with other albums like Westlife Bootleg and Styl Plus’ reigning album at the time whose title I cannot remember now.

Being a Church boy, I have always had access to lots of faith-based music. However, rap and very fast music are not really my thing. It has never been, it may never be! With Nifemi’s interest in music after we watched High School Musical in 2008, he started listening to Mali Music and some other guys and tried to influence me. Still, those were not my kind of songs, they were too fast and I preferred something with a slower tempo. I would play Donnie McClurkin, Mary Mary and Cece Winans whose ‘I Promise’ was played on my wedding day as we had the nuptial dance.

These days, I still love my old Obey songs and interestingly, K1’s trending E Maa Yonu Simi is my ringing tune these days while my second line has Arsenal’s North London Forever rings out when you call my other line. My taste in music is weird like that. I can be loving one not-so-popular musician when everyone is singing the praises of a trending musician. For instance, Ayob played me Black Magic in 2014 and I got hooked on him so much so that if I want to do something creative and it seems like it is not flowing, I simply start playing the album and it arouses me till there is a dampness at the source of my creativity.

I do not listen to Black Magic again these days, I hardly listen to much music these days really. Music can be therapeutic but for me, writing is more therapeutic and it replaces music but I get to find my music per time. Right now, Elizavocat and her songs are doing it for me. The way she serenades me while I drive is something I cannot quite explain yet.

However, if you see Lagbaja anywhere, tell him I will still come after him because he did not let me have the chance to visit Motherlan’. The last two albums still sit pretty in my car and I have them ripped on my PC, hoping I won’t get charged for piracy sha.

If you see me listening to some music that you are not used to, just know that it is what is reigning and meeting my musical needs at that time. It may change to another song or album tomorrow. Now someone says this guy is not a child of God again. No vex ehn, I don’t have a playlist. I just listen to what works for me.

Tomorrow, we meet again.

PEOPLE, WORDS AND BELIEF

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Today, my Facebook brought me the memory of writing a tribute to one of my father figures. It made me mourn afresh for this wonderful soul, one of those who encouraged me with words and actions. It further brought memories about people, both living and ‘living’ whose words and deeds continue to reverberate and urge me on.

I have had the good fortune of having some people pick an interest in me right from my early days. They said affirming words that made me feel on top of the world, and those words had this way of spurring me on. One of these people first used the Yoruba word ‘akikanju’ for me. Trying to get what that might mean led me to different web pages and the closest English word to it that I got had something to do with bravery or something heroic.

Now I am trying to see what might have qualified me for that Yoruba word that explains bravery or heroism because I do not in any way see myself as either of the two when I was younger. Maybe I had the will to want to get things done in a particular way but the person who used the word has now gone to be with The Lord so I really cannot ask why she chose that word for me.

Till today, the words people have said about me stay in my consciousness. The husband of this Mama, also a revered person in our growing-up community regularly spoke good words to me when I was in university. Fact is the course I studied was not a popular one around us back then but he always emphasized that he believed in me and was sure I would do well in that field. He has also exited this place, but his words remain a driving force beyond the time he spoke.

It would not cost me anything to mention these names but I am trying to avoid a scenario where someone feels my inability to ‘talk’ about them means I am an ingrate. Far from it! I appreciate everyone who has been there from the start up until now but I have done a lot of reminiscing these past few days and I don’t want to be in that place today.

While I was trying to find my bearing, another father figure called me into his office and gave me a ‘talking to’ to push me. His words cut me like hot iron but in those words, I heard what he wanted me to hear which was encouraging and inspiring. He wanted me to come out of my shell, he wanted me to push harder than I was, he wanted me to do better so I could achieve all I should. He wanted me in one direction which he thought was the best but having taken his message, I went in another direction and did far more than he thought with my ‘men’, an indefatigable team.

There was the Father figure again who praised my writing skills and would drop me messages at intervals to tell me how much he believed in me. My writing for today was not planned to go in this direction but I just sit in my chair and allow whatever it is that is making me type to take me in a direction, knowing I would be able to pass my message one way or the other. So this Baba, whose passage was brought back by my Facebook memory would give me writing tasks and remunerate me beyond what I deserved. He would come on my blog posts or other stuff and put down comments that nearly made my head blow off with pride. If he was my coach, and I was his athlete, I would take on the whole world and win, because he spoke words that could make me decide to take on the world.

Late in the afternoon today, I got talking with one of my big brothers and his words were that he was confident and believed in my ability to deliver on a certain assignment, even if I was unsure of myself.

All of these votes of confidence have a way of boosting our beliefs in ourselves as individuals. I know of myself and I say all the time that affirming words get to push me to do extra. The same is the response when I get unnecessarily scathing remarks from people in my life. While it makes some people want to prove the speaker of the harsh words wrong, it sort of deflates me.

Seeing Amir Khan’s Taare Zameen Par some days ago, I saw how a talented seven-year-old was almost ruined by the words of those around him because they did not care to know that he was dyslexic. He was not their normal ‘brilliant’ student because he would not comprehend the normal class stuff like his mates and so was ridiculed by all. To make it worse, Ishan (the seven-year-old) was also troublesome. Words and actions cut him deep and the normally lively young one started becoming a shadow of himself until his new Arts teacher (Amir Khan) stepped in to save the day.

The young one who had been subjected to different forms of ridicule by teachers, classmates, and even parents gradually started understanding because his Arts teacher took the time and talked him out of being frustrated to becoming brilliant in his own right, and becoming the best Arts student in the whole school.

Recall my post some days ago about the one who called me an illiterate. Stuff like that will not only make you lose the respect of those you are addressing; it may also prevent you from achieving the desired goal.

So, as I remember these great people whose words have done me well, I admonish you to say the right words to the people you relate with. They might just exceed expectations when you express belief, or they might become a shadow of what you desire from/of them.

Have a beautiful week ahead.