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Twelve months ago, I was in a terrible place! Now read the previous sentence again and jump this before going to the next. The days leading to my birthday were dark. I was sad, I was angry, felt every possible negative emotion. Anyone who has gone through or is going through that evil thing called depression may tell me how close I was to it. Despite that, I tried to keep smiling. I tried like Lagbaja advised not to carry my problems around on my face.

Now, folks who know me personally would understand that I mostly don’t dwell on negatives. Even when I am surrounded by obvious negatives, I still find ONE positive that trumps them all. However, as much as I was trying to wriggle out of the ‘hole’, I was sinking deeper. I got into so much reflection about how the years had gone and I saw reasons to be angrier. I threw up a lot of ‘if it had not been’ and ‘what if I’ situations.

Those days, I would wake up and manage a smile for those around me before going on to where I worked at the time. I had the unhelpful situation of having to drive down to my workplace all by myself which was a fertile ground for those heartbreaking and annoying thoughts. No one really knew, not even my wife! In the middle of it, I still gave myself time to cheer my guys up while I retired to my pain.

You may be excused for trying to wrap your head around what the problem might have been then. The main reason was best known to me. Things around me got a lift in the mid-2010s and I was gradually hitting the spot with the motive to break through in different aspects. Much to my dismay, a few unpalatable events happened that took me from going up and sent me back to the level beyond zero.

I retreated and had to find a way to start again, but there was no way. You know how it feels when you are in the middle of nowhere with no escape route. That was how it was but thank God for support systems. If you noticed that I suddenly withdrew, that was it. If I was no longer communicating, it was because I was fighting to get out of ‘jail’.

So back to where we were coming from. My birthday in 2023 was approaching and I was almost seeing no reason to be cheerful or happy. Some folks around me who were not even as ‘good’ were having it good. It felt like the whole world had left me behind. It did not look as if my ideas made sense or if I could even contribute anything meaningful around me. I felt like a failure, a struggling failure.

One of my birthday mates was asking me questions on the day and my response was me not holding back. I could see that she felt like throwing a pity party for me but I was past caring. I opened up to some of my friends who also were on hand to rub minds with me. Not like they had solutions to my feelings but they made themselves available, and I remain eternally grateful for this.

Thank God I was able to snap out after a while. There is a ‘person who speaks to me that no one sees. I hear him audibly when it’s time to converse and he was my saving grace. My person spoke to me many times and I began to see things from a different perspective. I started getting bullish about things. It gave birth to my new mantra which was to “never worry about what you have no control over”.

These days, I have become a different person. I only bother about what is within my control and leave the rest. After all, my worrying is not the solution. With this mindset, I realized that things eventually evened out.

That taught me to reduce my worry or anxiety no matter the situation. It made me bolder that I would even start anticipating the next challenge so I can emerge victorious. It is no longer a ‘the-whole-world-is-against-me’, it is now me against the world. It is now a Declan Rice versus five Liverpool counter-attackers (apologies to non-football lovers).

Take a cue from me, leave the whole page blank. Don’t give it a title so it doesn’t scare you. Then come back and let us share success stories and tales of victory. And if it did not work out as planned, try again and again and again. You will win.

PEOPLE, WORDS AND BELIEF

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Today, my Facebook brought me the memory of writing a tribute to one of my father figures. It made me mourn afresh for this wonderful soul, one of those who encouraged me with words and actions. It further brought memories about people, both living and ‘living’ whose words and deeds continue to reverberate and urge me on.

I have had the good fortune of having some people pick an interest in me right from my early days. They said affirming words that made me feel on top of the world, and those words had this way of spurring me on. One of these people first used the Yoruba word ‘akikanju’ for me. Trying to get what that might mean led me to different web pages and the closest English word to it that I got had something to do with bravery or something heroic.

Now I am trying to see what might have qualified me for that Yoruba word that explains bravery or heroism because I do not in any way see myself as either of the two when I was younger. Maybe I had the will to want to get things done in a particular way but the person who used the word has now gone to be with The Lord so I really cannot ask why she chose that word for me.

Till today, the words people have said about me stay in my consciousness. The husband of this Mama, also a revered person in our growing-up community regularly spoke good words to me when I was in university. Fact is the course I studied was not a popular one around us back then but he always emphasized that he believed in me and was sure I would do well in that field. He has also exited this place, but his words remain a driving force beyond the time he spoke.

It would not cost me anything to mention these names but I am trying to avoid a scenario where someone feels my inability to ‘talk’ about them means I am an ingrate. Far from it! I appreciate everyone who has been there from the start up until now but I have done a lot of reminiscing these past few days and I don’t want to be in that place today.

While I was trying to find my bearing, another father figure called me into his office and gave me a ‘talking to’ to push me. His words cut me like hot iron but in those words, I heard what he wanted me to hear which was encouraging and inspiring. He wanted me to come out of my shell, he wanted me to push harder than I was, he wanted me to do better so I could achieve all I should. He wanted me in one direction which he thought was the best but having taken his message, I went in another direction and did far more than he thought with my ‘men’, an indefatigable team.

There was the Father figure again who praised my writing skills and would drop me messages at intervals to tell me how much he believed in me. My writing for today was not planned to go in this direction but I just sit in my chair and allow whatever it is that is making me type to take me in a direction, knowing I would be able to pass my message one way or the other. So this Baba, whose passage was brought back by my Facebook memory would give me writing tasks and remunerate me beyond what I deserved. He would come on my blog posts or other stuff and put down comments that nearly made my head blow off with pride. If he was my coach, and I was his athlete, I would take on the whole world and win, because he spoke words that could make me decide to take on the world.

Late in the afternoon today, I got talking with one of my big brothers and his words were that he was confident and believed in my ability to deliver on a certain assignment, even if I was unsure of myself.

All of these votes of confidence have a way of boosting our beliefs in ourselves as individuals. I know of myself and I say all the time that affirming words get to push me to do extra. The same is the response when I get unnecessarily scathing remarks from people in my life. While it makes some people want to prove the speaker of the harsh words wrong, it sort of deflates me.

Seeing Amir Khan’s Taare Zameen Par some days ago, I saw how a talented seven-year-old was almost ruined by the words of those around him because they did not care to know that he was dyslexic. He was not their normal ‘brilliant’ student because he would not comprehend the normal class stuff like his mates and so was ridiculed by all. To make it worse, Ishan (the seven-year-old) was also troublesome. Words and actions cut him deep and the normally lively young one started becoming a shadow of himself until his new Arts teacher (Amir Khan) stepped in to save the day.

The young one who had been subjected to different forms of ridicule by teachers, classmates, and even parents gradually started understanding because his Arts teacher took the time and talked him out of being frustrated to becoming brilliant in his own right, and becoming the best Arts student in the whole school.

Recall my post some days ago about the one who called me an illiterate. Stuff like that will not only make you lose the respect of those you are addressing; it may also prevent you from achieving the desired goal.

So, as I remember these great people whose words have done me well, I admonish you to say the right words to the people you relate with. They might just exceed expectations when you express belief, or they might become a shadow of what you desire from/of them.

Have a beautiful week ahead.

LUMI’S MUSING – EMBRACE YOUR AWESOMENESS BY OLUMIDE OLAWALE

Ever wished you were someone else? A better face, more curves in the right places (whatever that means), less fat or more muscles, you know the six pack thingy right? Maybe for you it’s the preference for the British accent as against the thick Igbo intonation that flows freely from your vocal chords, a more rounded face, better height or what have you…the list can be endless!!! Whatever you think you are lacking or have in excess (as in the case of our thick madams), this is what I think.

*You were molded by the master in His own image, so you’re a master piece. He does not make mistakes hence you are not one. Yes, I mean that your bow leg is no mistake! (Inserts straight face)
* The person you wish you are like also wishes to be someone else. So you’ll probably end up trying to be someone else if you succeed at becoming your ‘model person’. Confusing right?
* It pays to be accepted for who you are without the pressure to be someone you really do not know how to be.
* You cannot please everyone! Even as awesome as I am, it is the one thing I have failed at.
* Stop looking at your imperfections as shortcomings. They are in fact what stand you out from the crowd!!! 

Finally, start everyday with a greater resolve to be a better version of yourself. You wanna get into shape? Exercise! You still remain the Yokozuna size, love you. No one can do that better. Look at it as standing out in the crowd.

Life as we know is short… live, laugh, learn!!! 

I am @lumi_slim on twitter