MY 2014…OF TOO MANY THINGS

This has been captioned the way it is because I am bereft of ideas about titling this reflective piece. Okay, let’s say this is not going to be creatively titled or well written, so you can forgive me. Tankiu feli mashhhh.

So the year started with loads and tons of promise and lived up to the initial hype. I put in a lot of hard work and got rewarded for it. I celebrated landmarks, got blessed by people I was not expecting anything from, blessed those who would not think of it, a lot of good news and very many bad news especially towards the end, particularly in December. Make no mistake though, I got some massive disappointments.

I did not know I was still capable of having a crush on someone. 2014 I had a crush on someone, there was the mutual crush with someone (you are reading this and you know) and there were those crushes on me that were just crushes, and maybe … (fill that in).

I forged bigger, better, more profitable and more symbiotic relationships with some friends, old and new; and I one way or the other lost the conviviality and the feel good that being with some friends brought. Do not blame me, they simply got new friends and there was re-alignment. In 2014, I knew what the real meaning of the words ‘friend’ and ‘acquaintance’.

I really am trying hard not to mention names in this piece but I am not so sure I can do that successfully.

Family was the first driving force in everything I did. I am blessed with one of the best persons anyone can have as parents and sibs; ones who would never leave you to face the world alone.

Once they knew what my major plans for the year were, they stuck their necks for me showing support all the way. Mom and Dad were always asking if I had done one thing or the other, my brothers were always showing concern.

Then there is Seye, the old classmate and friend who has become a brother, confidant, aproko paddy and business partner. We together embarked on journeys as we sought to advance in all things. Together we fell, together we rose from the ashes of our failures; as a team we failed, as a team we succeeded. I was sure of a good morning, a jibe at me, a good night and whatever form of greeting. Thanks for being there brother, God bless and keep you for me and for us all.

Together with Ese my personal person, we tagged this year one of success. That explains the #TeamSuccess I carried on my BBM from January through December. Thanks for that dear.

In 2014, I reached a milestone. I was excited, very well so. To celebrate it, a friend and sister I have made in the last two years paid for the cake. Now wait for it, I have not met her before as we forged this relationship on twitter. Thank you dear Habukia. God bless you richly.

My cousins brought forward a proposal to make me live and improved life, and followed through with it with action and cash. God bless you real good fam. I understand a lot more what life is with well meaning family members around. I appreciate you guys.

Lawrence, I thought the bond of friendship we forged would be affected by your relocation. Instead, distance has made us grow in friendship and as confidants. Our regular interactions despite the time difference, the shoulder we gave one another, the jokes and gists…I can’t mention it all. God bless you bro, you were a blessing all year. Like you said, let’s make 2015 better.

Highlights of my year came in the second half of the year. Very challenging part I must confess but I here declare that I have emerged a conqueror. Let me share a little and reveal the lessons I learnt from each experience.

The first came from my application for a business grant. All looked set for success and as if it was timed to compensate for some mistakes made by people who should send a document which had the first project of the year, my business plan scaled the first stage. With my name sake, friend and business partner, we were thrilled. Unfortunately however, our application fell at the second stage. We did not make the final draft. We almost were disconsolate but another plan was in the pipeline that made that less painful.

Lesson from that was that we stood firm, refusing to be discouraged. We never say never till the fat woman calls *winks*

Next was my Dad’s medical challenge. What seemed a minor muscular issue ended up looking like stroke. All these were shortly after his birthday during which I made sure friends and folks called or sent him a message. While he was on his sick bed, I saw some people who I least expected show him loads of love. Many called, some did not even bother or notice that he was not seen regularly.

Lessons learnt. Some only stay around because of what they will get from you.

A few close ‘friends’ for whom I have made heavy sacrifices did not even show that they were concerned. Thanks for always asking Ayobola, thanks for the fruit mix Seye, thanks for the visits Wale Fa, thanks and more thanks to many others whose names I cannot mention. I again refreshed my memory to not expect anything from anyone. One more lesson is to celebrate people while they are alive. He felt absolutely loved by the calls and messages he got from his children’s friends and family.

Late September, I was on the night shift in my place of work when birds were stolen. I was oblivious because I was in another office, being the head of the shift. I was called from home when the issue became a full blown wahala. After five days of drama, the whole team got the sack, except me. Different reasons were given for not sacking me but I knew it was God at work

At the end of it all, it was the God factor that saw me through. People put in a word or two for me, many vouched for my integrity, many had one or two things to say about me. My Manager took the battle to the Management and I was reinstated.

I learnt to keep doing whatever it was that I was doing. To stay level headed and respectful to all colleagues: superiors, contemporaries and subordinates.

Two days after my resumption, death came calling. This particular occurrence trumped any other I might have had before now. It still remains fresh in my memory. How the motorbike I was riding with one of my colleagues slipped in front of a truck remains a mystery.

Within a microsecond, the guy whose name I won’t mention was under a moving truck. I was crawling away from the approaching truck and screaming that the guy had been crushed. There was a commotion within seconds but while I was almost shouting myself hoarse, my colleague under the truck came out, and wait for it…ABSOLUTELY UNHURT!

Why was he not crushed to death? How did I manage to be back on my feet before the truck got to me? How did death not rejoice over us? How did we not sustain injuries like what happens in other motorbike accidents? How? How?? How???

Dude called me when he got home that evening and asked me in Yoruba if I was sure he was still alive. He said he asked because he was not sure if it was not his ghost that was doing what he was doing. He could not comprehend being under a moving truck and coming out from there without the smallest scratch and subsequently internal injuries.

I updated my BBM Personal Message to read “the microsecond between life and the other side. #iLive #Thankful”.

I learnt big time that there might be no time to say goodbye to those we claim to love and cherish; that there might be no time to say goodbye to family, friends, acquaintances and others we hold close.

What if I had died on October 2nd? I would almost be forgotten by now but Seye lives not because I will not die one day but because my assignment remains unconcluded and God has been kind enough to not hand it over to someone else and call me home.

I cannot put it all in this piece but thanks to THE ONE who owns my life, THE ONE who snatched me from the jaws of death, THE ONE who gave me another chance to live without taking the one he gave me.

All the occurrences in September and October were when I was waiting for the result of the next expected plan. The result came and it did not end in my favour. Then a change I was not expecting at work came with it.

I was pissed, yes I was angry but I remembered a few things that happened after my own escape. An old friend from my high school days died in an accident barely three weeks after I escaped death with minor scratches. More unpleasant news and all and I knew the next thing to do was to be thankful.

From my near death experience, I learnt that death could come at any time. I have always known we don’t know our last goodbyes but that reminded me again. I learnt that there might be no chance to say goodbye to the person you have been ignoring and keeping malice with. I learnt many people care that I am alive. I learnt some don’t care if you die, they simply move on to the next like you never happened.

Thanks to THE ONE who keeps me safe at all times. I do not take his mercies for granted. I appreciate the privilege to pen this note, even if its not quite the way I want.

What if I had perished on October 2nd? What if I had been thrown out of my job? What if my Dad had not recovered from that illness? What if things have worked well only to turn against me later?

I’ll close with Wale Adenuga’s lyrics “I’m so grateful Lord, for the gift of Life…”
Please join me by dropping your comments below…

I WILL WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY ‘LANRE BUCKNOR

HI PEOPLE, ONE OF OUR WONDERFUL READERS, LANRE BUCKNOR, WAS A YEAR OLDER ON THE 20TH OF DECEMBER. HE PENNED THIS PIECE TO COMMEMORATE THE DAY. PLEASE READ, ENJOY AND DROP A FEW LINES TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THOUGH A BIT BELATED. THANKS…xoxoxoxoxo

Today is 20th of December, its my birthday and I will cry if I want to.

I will cry, not because I am sad, not because I am happy, not because I do not even know how I feel emotionally. I will just cry IF I feel like.

I am an emotional person. I have cried more than once this year. I am an underachiever looking forward but then, looking behind, I can’t help but give praises to the Almighty. No spites intended on anyone but a reflection on how well one has fared in spite of what level one presently is or has been.

I am uber grateful to God. I am not at LUTH or General Hospital; I am not at Atan or Abalti; neither am I at Kirikiri or Ikoyi, I am here at liberty, breathing without aid.

One reflects everyday or better put, one should reflect everyday but then, one’s birthday is actually a reminder of how close one is to his/her grave rather than a day of celebration.

The last 13 years have been pivotal for me. They have shaped me into a man: the one I am becoming rather than a man I was or a man I am. I have been able to discover that common good outweighs any sentiment, I have been able to master the art of respecting everyone’s perspective as I have learnt that Ife and Modakeke folks saw their war from different angles, I have learnt that whatever I am going through is a war exclusive to me in order to shape my person.

In the last 13years, I have mastered the art of serving people rather than using them, I have learnt that I perform best in a team. I have toiled and strived, I have gone weeks without a melted kobo, I have gone to bed without any meal and I have woken up with no hope of where the next meal will come from and folks, I have survived. Alhamdulillah.

I have learnt that, humans can be so compassionate and can be downright wicked; I have encountered more of the compassionate ones in my journey through life. I have learnt not to regret any decision or action I have taken. These, my friends, have helped a great deal in shaping my thoughts and decision making process. They have helped me in weighing decisions carefully before taking steps since I don’t have future luxury of regrets.

I have learnt that the greatest asset into becoming a proper human is having the fear of God; this is not the fear of God ,that we daily pay lip service to. This type of fear of God serves as a measure of control and guiding principle to who one actually is. This is the one that makes one do the right thing even when no one is watching. I have tried to imbibe this and I am still working and praying for the grace to be able to immerse my person in it more.

How good a person is, can be determined from how s/he treats those who can do nothing for him or her in return and or how s/he treats animals. This I have learnt and this folks, I have tried as much as I can, to put into practice. I try as much as possible to be a good human.

Forget the tough outlook, the free flowing diction and presumed writing skill, I am of the shy breed. I am never as intelligent as folks tend to believe. Yes, I have an embarrassingly loud voice, I can speak perfect English once in a while, near perfect Yoruba and crowd appeal, I am deep down a shy fellow with my emotions tending to run out of control at will.

As much as that is, I think I take too much BS from people. How that happens still beats me because I have a very short fuse. Maybe I have tried to build a state of the art control measure for it; maybe I have learnt to let things slide even when I am the one who is right.

Looks like I have an in born penchant to organise and coordinate, I am very careless with timing though, I have the evil called procrastination in my baggage which is based on my principle of “result matters, in as much as it doesn’t affect common good and meets deadline”. This ideal stresses my life but I have not been able to overcome it.

My biggest dream is geared towards leadership, not in speech but in practice, not by mouth but by character. Its been coming by default up to a point. Primary school came with captainship in classes and the school soccer team and ultimately senior prefectship, I think I was a lousy leader not by the standard then but how well I have grown. High school made me ‘lose it’, I am one of those quiet ones, easily intimidated, I was too aware of my person and it didn’t help. College came with experiences of life. I led, led and learnt. It also made me discover how well and far I can go, made me realize how humans can actually see through you if you are sincere, you can’t please everyone though. It taught me a valuable lesson that although you can start from where you are but if you really want to effect it, be the man calling the shots. People frustrate not only your effort as a leader but also your dreams.

The next 13 years of my life, if I get the grace to live that long, will be channelled towards preparation for my lifelong and biggest dream, I am hoping to get this right as most of the things I do plan towards certain periods happen later than envisaged. They get done mostly when God wants them. I have folks who believe in that dream, they are not much, they don’t need to be, they only need to be steadfast and they are.

I am a Muslim by birth and practice, my guiding principle is based on the Islamic ideology. I am never a saint but then, I try as much as possible to be good. I have had best friends at each and every turn of my life who are of the Christian faith. I am a living proof that Islam preaches peace and tolerance.

I have resisted the urge to name names in this note but in the autobiography, names will crop up at every point necessary, I have them in my head.

I am close now to living three decades here. I have learnt, I am still learning and will continue to learn as long as I have air in my lungs.

This is not a preface to anything but could serve as one, you will only understand, if you sit and ponder on what a bestselling autobiography is and the men who pen them. In my quest to pen a bestselling autobiography, I will not falter and by Allah, I will never fail. So help me God.

Today is my birthday folks, I will let the floodgates open and let the tears flow.

‘Lanre Bucknor mostly writes on his bed in his room in Lagos.
He is @lordrooz on twitter

BEST MAN DUTY #15

This episode is dedicated to my dear Amarachi Uwazie as she ties the knot in her traditional wedding ceremony today. May your honeymoon never end Amy.

Huge thanks to everyone who has been with us on BMD from Episode 1. It has been a lovely and interesting ride all the way. Thanks for all comments, chats, encouragements and criticisms. Let’s enjoy this serving…

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For previous episodes, click here

Driving on the ever busy, pothole riddled Lagos Ibadan expressway, my mind wandered in different directions.  I swore under my breath with each pothole I successfully ‘overcome’.  I donated a curse for each leader who refused to do what they should. Maybe I was cranky, maybe I was angry, maybe I was pissed, maybe I was frustrated, maybe…

I had not felt that vexed with everything in a while. The universe was not working in my favour as touching my emotional issues. Why else would Cynthia tell me unequivocally that she was in love with someone else after all of our flirting and ‘encounters’? Why would Queen refuse to see reason and let us come together as a unit?

I admit that I have been wrong at one time or the other. I admit that I did not concentrate fully. I admit that I did not take her very serious from the start. I admit that I might have given her reasons to be doubtful. I am guilty of so many things, YES. I however am right on so many fronts too. She understands my paranoia in not letting down my guard so easily.

I might not have shared with you my past failed alliances. I lost hope in love and loving, believing it was not meant to be my lot until Queen came on the scene. She got down to work and brought my life some much needed organization. She gave me many reasons to feel loved again. She however wanted me to let go of the other babes who were hanging around the corridors of my heart before I took her in. That was never going to be easy.

Queen wanted full control in a very short time and I was willing to give to her but the key was patience. She however wanted it very fast. Going by the improvement in my fortunes when she came into my life, it was nothing to negotiate. I would let her have it but my past heartbreaks after investing lots of resources always got me holding back. I asked her to let us be patient and take things step by step which she agreed to, verbally. Maybe the village girl she is does not understand what patience means. *hiss*

She would get angry at small things, overreact to minor issues, keep malice for days on end, and bear grudges unjustifiably. For someone of my nature, that was not going to work. After studying her for a while, Sam called her “an emotionally immature super lover”. What that means is something I really don’t know. Sam has a penchant for playing with words and I would not allow someone to play backgammon with my brain. I just always allowed him display his grammatical inclination without looking at him twice.

Like some situations in life however, me and Queen despite showing loads of promise had only very little to show. It was all promise and potential without fulfilment. It was meant to be the kind of love that would make the whole world jealous but it did not stay that way for long. All the while, recurring decimals failed to flee. They stayed around hoping for a slip. They were the ones that noticed when cracks started appearing on the wall, they were the ones that saw BBM updates that looked like subs, they were the ones that saw her in the City Mall shopping alone. It was their joy, she made them rejoice over us.

One of the recurring decimals is the reason I embarked on the weekend trip to the city of brown roofs, my Ibadan. I knew Cleo three years before meeting Queen. We struck that perfect understanding as we met at first during a family function.  There was this wedding I was to attend and Cleo’s friend, a distant cousin was in attendance as well. I would ordinarily greet the ‘cousin’ and ask her about her progress and similar matters but on this day, the strikingly beautiful girl that was with her made me talk to her a lot more.

The moment we interacted when left together, we just flowed in the same direction as if we had known each other for ages. Her voice was melodious, she sounded like thousands of cymbals that made music to my ears. I told her without mincing words that her company was the type I desired and that was going to keep me around for long. I was watching for too long, trying to build a foundation of friendship when the unexpected happened. She broke the news that she was leaving the country for further studies, telling me how she had waited for months on end for me to make the move. It meant very little to me till she was gone and my broken heart was mended enough to love afresh. Cleo was one to love easily and I seriously considered it but she was gone, gone till November she said but November had not come since.

We stayed in touch with one another: phone calls, text messages, Blackberry chats, social media interactions, skype and every other available platform. Distance was however the ‘female dog’ that came in between us. Little by little the phone calls gave way, the chats reduced and interactions faded. Despite the reduced communication however, we always found the chance for the random chats which were mostly as a result of changed DPs.

I smiled when I remembered how she accused me one day. I am very sure she had already started seeing Queen’s picture on my DP with the accompanying. The traffic snarl as I approached town that Friday evening was not friendly at all. I started fiddling with my phone as the road was totally blocked. The first thing I did as I could was an update on BBM.

“Ile Oluyole, the city of brown roofs. Good to be home #OmoAjorosun”

That status update was intentional. I did it to let Cleo know I was in town and for Queen to know I was away from Lagos. Memories of Cleo’s previous accusations came flooding and as traffic refused to move, I scrolled to my chat history to refresh my memory. After all, it was going to be the whole weekend with her. On sighting Queen on my Display Picture with the accompanying ‘Queen of The Manor’ one morning, she buzzed me straightway. I stopped and opened that chat

“Is that le missus? She’s cute”
“Oh Cleopatra the Great. I hail your regal highness”
“Abegjor, goan hail the regal highness on your DP o Dot”
“I’ve not even said she’s my gf Cleo
“But u’ve been using her for some time now. I see evrytin o, I just don’t say nada”
“Cleo haba!!!”
“So u cld not evn wait for me to come”
“Try undstnd Cleo, I didn’t knw when u were gon’ come or what your long term plans are”
“Hmmmm, I get u sha”
“Queen was arnd me and was showing what she wanted; distance crept in btw us. I didn’t wanna lose on both ends”
“Its undstndable Dot. She’s lucky sha”
“Was Cleo, she was lucky”
“Why d past tense? Worapun?”
“A lot my dear. Gimme some mins”

I intentionally dodged that question because it was not a matter I was willing to discuss with her at that time. The issue was worth it but the timing was not right when we were chatting.

“Maybe its time now man. Let’s see how the weekend’s gon’ be”

I was called back from my trip down the chat memory lane by hoots and swear words. I quickly dropped the phone between my laps, changed the gear to drive and moved as quickly as I could. The useless bus and careless Micra cab drivers were raining invectives on me but I was unfazed.

“Welcome home baby, welcome to Ib”

The rest of the journey home was smooth and littered with random thoughts but I was ready to get one thing right before the end of the festive period: my emotional issues

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Mom is always happy to have me around and it was no exception when she saw me as she got back home from her exertions at work that day.

“You didn’t tell us you’re coming home Adedotun”

“I have a few things to sort ni jare and I wasn’t sure if I was gon’ come or not. Pops nko?”. I got up to greet her properly, bending a little before side hugging and holding her by the shoulder.

“He travelled for a burial in Ogbomoso but he’s enroute”

Maami toh sure, iyawo Baba Dotun. See as you dey fresh”

“Wait wait Adedotun. What’s with these toasting?”

“Nothing nah. I’ve just missed you ma ni o

“Queen nko? Been a while she called us”

“Queen is fine mum. She’s been a little busy at work. We’ve not been seeing well of recent”

“Is it that bad? What’s the problem in her work place?”

“She says she just got a new sectional head and that one is raising hell ni jare

“Is that why she has not even bothered to call us?”

“She’ll come good. E ma binu

“Its just unlike her to be absolutely silent. I’m not cross with her at all”

She asked to go change her clothes and start preparing dinner. As she disappeared, I picked up my phone and dialled Cleo to inform her I was in town already.

“I saw your PM now. I was wondering if you won’t call to tell me. You seem to have this over-reliance on that Blackberry of yours”

I just smiled and we got on other matters, gisting and chatting away about nothing, and everything. One interesting thing about me and Cleo is the fact that there is always something to talk about. There has never been a dull moment. The chemistry between us is one that has not been replicated between me and any other of my ‘women’. We just always seem to come to agreement over everything.

Mother came out of her room and smiled when she saw me grinning on phone. She walked closer and stood behind me. I was not oblivious of her presence but I was carried away with the call that I did not know when she tickled my ribs. The phone almost fell off my hand.

“That’s how he’ll be grinning when talking to her. Queen bawo ni jare

My head flew away at that instant. What in God’s name was Mother doing? She continued talking in Yoruba. I asked Cleo to hold the line and then turned to mom after covering the mouthpiece.

“It is not Queen mom. Not everyone is Queen jare

Making attempts at damage control, I resumed the call.

“I’m sorry Cleo, it was mom who needed my attention”

“Yeah, I’ll leave home in a bit. At least I can have a few minutes with you tonight”

“Ohhhh.Tomorrow morning then. Let’s get on BBM”

“Takia of you”

Knowing the kind of person Cleo is, she would have raised that issue if she heard what my mother said but she did not as much as go that way. I ended the call and went to Mom in the kitchen. Explaining to her who it was, she just smiled and added “which one be my own? Na Queen me I sha know”. We both burst into laughter and I responded as jokingly as she talked.

“Mami, it remains open till we declare it closed”

“See as Momma wan burn your cable there”

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There seems to be a grand plan by some wicked elements governing this sinful worl to want to make confusion my friend. Or how else do I explain the fact that just when I tried to let go of some, another some will stroll in to my life.

A part of me still hoped against hope that Queen would not just walk away like that. As I woke up the next morning, it was to missed calls from Cynthia. I turned and picked the Blackberry from my bed post, there were messages waiting. Only one mattered but there were more waiting to be read.

Queen’s got my heart beating fast and at the end it was just a casual “GM”, her annoying way shorthand for “Good morning”. Hissing loudly, I scrolled to Sam’s message which was next. He wanted to know my whereabouts.

“Had to go spend some time with folks in ib. Fam’s evryfin man. Good morning”. I replied him.

There was the message I was secretly hoping for, Cleo’s. Instead it was Cynthia, Queen and unexpectedly, Lara’s. Of the three, Lara’s excited me the most because our chats had been few and far between, with all sense of cordiality and a bit of that formal language. Whenever we interacted however, it was also smooth sailing due to her knowledge of goings-on in different areas of life. Her thought pattern also seemed to align with mine, something close to the non-conformism that defines me.

Lara was asking where I was going to be for Christmas, and to be honest, I was yet to decide. My meeting with Cleo was going to determine a few things, and yuletide was one of them. I told her it was not decided yet but it would be one of Lagos or Ibadan.

“Where do we stand Dot? As things are who do we go with?”

“I honestly dunno man. I still wish Queen’s gon’ come back to her senses”

I got out of bed and went straight to greet my parents. The duo keep giving me a standard to meet in love, devotion, commitment and mutual respect. I met them discussing heartily about politics and how the ruling class has been a curse on the country since independence. Dad was in his usual element, holding a copy of one of the dailies, without reading while Mom schooled him that they’re all “omo irankiran”, something close to calling them offsprings of a cursed lineage.

“Daddy, they’re all descendants of the devil. Not one of these parties or the people that populate them have anything to offer”

Dad nodded in agreement, feigning seriousness.

“My iyawo for President. My politically sagacious wife to contest the Presidency while I be the First Gentleman… ”

“See this one o. You are so scared you can’t contest for Olori ebi in your family yet you’re making jest of me” she cut in sharply

“Do I need that distraction when I have you and your children to care for?”

“Common Mogaji you no fit do”

“I don’t need it. I’m Mogaji of you and my kids, and that’s enough for me”

I watched them banter for a few more minutes before my “a ku ojumo o”, another way of saying “good morning” in Yoruba language.

Pops looked at me and started with his traditional hailing.

“Aremo Adedotun, hope you enjoyed your night”

“Very well Baba. You still dey waka late ehn

“I’ve cut down on it my dear. Yesterday’s was necessitated by the trip. You know that rubbish friend of mine that killed his in-law recently, we had to go eat amala on his bill ni

“I heard but please stress yourself less o. You’re aging finely Dad”

“Aging doesn’t mean death yet now?”

“Sha reduce your wahala

“I hear o. Queen nko Aremo?”

“She’s fine Dad, very fine”

“Why’s he asking again. His wife woulda told him nah”

“We’ve not heard from her in a while. Is she well”

“She is Dad. Says she’s busy at work”

Mom took her leave that minute, going into the kitchen.

“I don’t like how that sounds Aremo. You should be busy but create time for one another no matter what life throws at you”

“We’re trying Dad, you know how things are nowadays”

“I do but I do not want to agree that you should let life live you”

“We’ll adjust Dad”. I was eager to close the conversation. He noticed the unease in my actions and spoke as if he was in the know.

“My son, there’ll always be issues. Work round it and make up”

“There’s no problem Dad”

“Let’s close that matter before your mother comes”

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Cleo was waiting for me at our arranged meeting point, a park where we first spent time when we met. I did not have to look around before sighting, easily the most stunning in the place where she sat, her ice cream bowl placed in front of her.

The sight was not friendly however, opposite her was a dreadlocked guy who was in a discussion that seemed serious. You know your size when you see and I knew this guy was ‘more’ than me. He smelt affluence and poshness but I was not one to be intimidated by anyone.

I walked towards her and touched her shoulder lightly.

“Hey Cleo”

She looked up and smiled, then got up and threw her arms round me in a full hug, the fullest and longest one ever between us. Dreads kept a straight look and managed to respond when stretched my hand for a shake after we disentangled.

“Sope, here’s Dotun. He’s the one I ve been waiting for”, Cleo said

“Hey bruv”. Dreads managed with a fake smile and mumbled accent. I smiled and in response. There was the unseen hostility between us as we both managed to exchange pleasantries.

“I should allow you guys some space”. He got up and looked at me again, “hoping we meet again one day soon Dotun”

“Yeah, hopefully mate. Best wishes”

He took his leave and I faced Cleo.

“Make or break time man, don’t bungle it”

I struggled to concentrate on what I was to say. Cleo’s features still got the same hold on me from three years ago. Pretty face, well laid out bust, proportionate hips n butt; she had the ‘Dot specs’ and packed it in a stunning way. I would never have my fill of her. After the one that got away, Cleo was to be the one who came to rule the roost but I had not opened the door for her when Queen took over the manor.

“Cleo, here we are. If anyone told me it would take time before we would sit together again, I woulda called that person a liar”

“Its life Dotun, it just happens”

“Just when I was thinking to make that move and try, you left”

“And then you couldn’t wait”

“I needed to be sure I really wanted to do this. If I’ve lost you to another man because I stalled, I won’t ever forget making that mistake”

“We all make mistakes boo, and the results of our mistakes are our responsibilities”

“That’s true. Sometimes we wanna turn the hands of time”

“Sometimes we can’t, sometimes we’re lucky”

“Hmmmmm. So with us?”

“Us? Is there a ‘us’? What happened between you and the fine girl you went to date?”

“Cleo, too much talk o”

I told her all she had to know, spicing the story with enough seasoning. I didn’t lie just in case you are thinking that is what ‘spicing’ and ‘seasoning’ mean. All I did was just exaggerate a few things.

She also shared her experience. The failed promises, the love turned sour, how she lost interest in love and loving, and of course how “you Dotun remain a constant I have not been able to forget”.

That was my cue, I did not waste time.

“There’s a reason for that Cleo, there’s a reason me and Queen didn’t work, there’s a reason this is happening now. Me and Queen ended things shortly before Tokunbo’s wedding”

“Hmmmm”

“So I’m the next option Dotun”

“You were never an option Cleo. I was just trying to not rush into things with you”

“Then you gave up when I left”

“I didn’t totally do but I had Queen hovering almost a year after you left. I was not sure where I was standing with you. I had to move on”

“That was when our communication waned”

“Yes. I wanted to focus”

“I know, and that’s why I did not tell you when I came visiting last year”

“Cleo! Haba Cleo! You shouldn’t have done that”

“You think? I felt you who were the only one I felt that thing close to love for had slipped from me. It woulda hurt me”

“I’m here Cleo, let’s redeem. I’m ready to make up for lost time. I’ll let you believe in love again”

“What do you want Dotun? I know what I want but I need to know what you want so we can see if we have a common ground”

I thought long and hard, looked straight into her eyes and spoke from my heart of hearts.

“I’m not about high school dating, I’m not about university relationship. I’m after what will last, courting with a view to marriage”

“So how are you gon’ cope with the distance seeing as that was one of the initial challenges”

“I’m more mature now Cleo. I can handle it”

“I’m not convinced by that answer Dotun. Let’s just see if we can get this flying”

“Its all on me bae, I’ll make sure you will commit to this without having anyone convince you”

“I’ll say you said so. The space has always been there for you so it should not be much problem getting things going”

Inside of my insides, joy welled up. I had this figured out and I was ready to commit and make it work.

“Cleo, I won’t talk. I’ll act, and that would be enough”.

“PING!!!”

I had switched off my phone but left my Blackberry on. That was when I remembered.

“I need to use the gents bae. Gimme a sec”

I pulled out my phone on getting in there. It was Lara.

“A bad piece of advise Dot. Keep Cleo close, and Lara closer. It would be either of them”

I smiled and replied her quickly “in a meeting Lara, gon’ buzz you later”.

Switching off the phone, I went back to the one whose voice was music to my soul. Every other thing or person could wait while I tended the new seed I just planted.

BEST MAN DUTY #14

Apologies we could not post Best Man Duty on schedule yesterday. It was due to circumstances beyond control. Here it is served for your Sunday evening, coincidentally episode 14 drops on the 14th of December.
Birthday blessings to one of BMD’s readers and a ‘Taraba’ mate, Musibau Adeyemi. Your new year is blessed bro.
Please enjoy BMD and don’t forget to drop your comments. Apologies once again and thanks for staying with us here…xoxoxoxoxoxox
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For Previous Episodes, please click here

“How did the wedding go?”
“Very interesting. I had madt fun”
“Hmmmmm. Tell me how so”
“Old friends, new ones, interesting time, enough to wine and dine on”
“Yes that and that, and new Best Girls ehn? Or iz it cofetti?”
“Haba Cynth!!! There can’t be 2 BGs. That u know”
“I hear u sir, no mean say I gree sha o. No dey scope me jor. The little I know of u, u def will have 1 or 2 babes u were eyeing on the train”
“I got eyes for the beautiful ones baby, and u know. None caught my attention”
“And when u don’t have eyes for dem, they have 4 u. Like u and Zainab”
“Cynthia!!!”
“What!!! I’m jus stating d obvious Dotun”
“And she writes the name again”
“What name? Leave that side and let’s talk what I’m asking”
“Which is?”
“Wch is u abandoning me all day cos of d babes on d bridal train”
“See Cynth, there is not 1 babe on that train that stirs what u stir in me. Not one of them has d kinda look I want in d babes. That thing that’s got me crushing on u”
“Hmmmm”
“I’m serious. U already know given d right atmosphere, I’d own u by now”
“Hmmmm. He’s finally chyking”
“I’m not, I’m tellin u things av held on to”
“u r not talking abt dis cos I complained dat u abandoned me all day, r u?”
“I’m not babes. I’m tellin u stuff I’ve always wanted to”
“So y av u held bk since”
“I’m a sensitive person. I wanna know if u r in a serious relationship. I don’t wanna be d reason u n your partner will hav issues”
“Hmmmm. How nice of u Best boy”
“I can be nice, but don’t expect me to always be rational. I’m @ that stage of life where I can be selfish and if I can, I’ll take u over from whoever claims ownership of u”
“You’re very funny Dotun. See u talkin as if I’m a parcel of land”
“You can be d parcel of land on which I build my castle”
“Chai!!! See toasting o. My head yaf swell filish. It haf wantu goan burst o”
“U be bread ehn? Or what’s toasting?”
“All these your talk this evening ni. I won’t say it came as a surprise anyways”
“I don’t expect u to be surprised, I don’t expect u to stick your neck out too”. Whoever it is that has got you and has refused to let his brain work well enough to formalize his ownership of u is certainly not serious”
“Funny thing is I am madly in love with him still”

For the first time that evening, I came back to earth. It was not as if I did not expect her to tell me she was dating someone at a point in time, the way that revelation crept into our conversation dampened my spirit.

How in God’s name would I be telling her stuff like that and one man somewhere would just have a way into the serious discussion? Is that how these other babes feel when Queen finds a way into our times together?

I knew the best thing to do would be to not allow myself show that I was affected by her “madly in love” sentence but I was.

“Ol’boi eh! Just when you were thinking she could be the perfect replacement for Queen”

I ignored my loquaciously intrusive inner man and continued my chat with her, hopes of getting her be with me finally fading.

“I understand how love happens. We many times have better options but we choose to stick with what we’ve had over a period of time”
“Yeah Dotun. Mostly the fear of the unknown”
“Exactly. You might wanna get away from someone only to discover that d oda person myt b worse”
“You’re spot on Cynth. We can only try and like we say in our part of the world, leave the rest to God”
“That’s it o. U shld get some sleep Dotun”

I turned and pressed a button on the other phone. It was some minutes past two in the morning. The first question I asked myself was “how long have you and Queen done this?”

I wished Cynthia a good night and started trolling people on social media when sleep took a flight. One of the trolled was Cleo, a recurring decimal.
******************************
There have been distractions and I admit. I may not be perfect, yes it is my fault. I may be forgetful or too detailed sometimes, it only shows that I am being me.

How the situation with Queen degenerated to the extent that we hardly talked on phone, chatted on different platforms or made time to see beats me. The whole thing just started like child’s play and before one could ask what exactly was wrong, we drifted totally.
Analysis of the situation with different members of The Clan pointed in the same direction, a case of clashing egos with neither refusing to back down.

“Be the man and take the bull by the horns. Even if you guys are gonna end things, let there be closure on that front then you both can move on”, Femi said that hot evening.

I heard him right and I agreed with him absolutely. I however still had the urge to see her and spend some time with her before we eventually decide on what to do. Sam also gave his opinion, asking me to let her be till she was ready and if she eventually allows someone else to take her place, “na she sabi o”.

“I get you guys. I really appreciate your concern. Just so painful that me and Queen promised a lot only to deliver so little. I took it to mean my sufferings with women was finally over”.

Sam sighed and uncorked his drink. Pouring the content into his glass cup, he gulped the cold drink faster than normal. After what seemed a satisfying intake of his rich foaming stout, he belched. The silly head never learnt to stop doing that indecorous act from when I knew him. Then he started looking inside the cup as if he was communing with the brown bubbles inside. All of a sudden, he spoke.

“After all the wars and battles you fought to have a woman of your own Dot, you got Queen when no one was expecting. I was happy for you, we all were. When I saw her the first time, I saw the admiration she had for you in her eyes. I saw something close to love and respect, I saw reverence and regard. My joy knew no bounds that you found her”

He paused and filled his glass again. We all listened with rapt attention.

“The biggest fear I had the day I saw Queen was one I told Femi. I made him understand that Queen loved you but I was not sure of what was going to happen in the next one year”. Sam sighed, then smiled wryly.
“Knowing what you had gone through, Femi said I should let things pan out the way they were meant to. He said he saw a glint in your eye, a new smile, a new liveliness but he had a word. Phamo, if you remember as you take talk that day abeg remix the words”. Sam turned to Femi and motioned for him to speak. My partner in crime smiled, cleared his voice and spoke.

“I said then that Queen has made you livelier, that you smile more nowadays and seem very happy and but that I hoped its not initial gizzgizz because if that’s the case, it will fade”
“Turns out Femi is the seer here. Its faded. All you guys do now is to fight and argue and disagree. One day of love, three weeks of strife. I’m sure that’s not what you want for yourself”, Sam started again and asked me the real question all his stories was about.

“You and Queen, how far?”

I smiled, but deep inside me it was not the kind of smile they saw. I really cannot say if one of the two saw through my eyes, I just went on to give an Obama-like speech about how Queen came into my life and changed everything that was upside down. I told them how her spirit and mine agreed a lot. I went ahead to sermonize on ‘the will of God in all things’ and all other philosophical talk. At the end, I gave the verdict.

“I appreciate your concern guys. I’ve been tryna make this work and so far it has just been one kind. I wanna give me and her a push, a nudge, one last time. If it does not work then, I shall do the needful”
My friends looked at one another and smiled, an understanding one. I knew they had this planned, and they got the response they thought they would get.
“I know you’re a fighter Dot. We’re with you all the way”.
I like Femi’s way of talking in times like this.
************************
Every other thing was moving fine except the love and emotional side of it. That part of my life has been in total confusion. Barely twenty four months after I thought I had it all figured and had made a choice, the chosen one had started behaving very abnormally. Maybe it was as a result of me letting my guard down but I have no regrets.
I woke one morning and out of indolence decided to do a headcount of who and who I can date, no not date, marry. Marriage na long thing sef. Let us just say I started counting the daughters of Eve that I can errrm, errrm…errrr….date or be with or marry or whatever you choose to call it. Off my fingers I started with Queen. I counted Best Girl, everyone calls her Cynthia. Taiwo, Moji, Alaba, and of course I just met Lara even if I was yet to follow her up properly. Much more recently, it had been those from other tribes and religion. Of course Queen is from the South South, Zee is from Nassarawa and a Muslim, Cleo is Bini. There was Hadiza, the one I call my Auchi beauty. She strayed from the nest when she grew wings.
I already resigned to fate that I would likely end up with someone of another tribe and make mixed babies, I mean mixed Nigerians. Would that not be fun?

So Queen called just when I was thinking of a way to start cozying up to her again. Cynthia already declared in no uncertain terms that she was in love with someone else. That did not stop her from continually buzzing me and occasionally forming jealous. The unsaid, unwritten agreement was that we have unfinished business.

Back to Queen’s call. She sounded as formal as she had been for a while at the start but loosened up as the chit chat progressed. Free minded me just went on laughing and talking as if all was well in paradise. I finally threw the first punch.

“Baby, we gotta stop all these”
“What? As far as I’m concerned, nothing is wrong Dotun”
“That’s all you say Queen. Let’s communicate, let’s solve our issues, let’s stop sweeping matters under the carpet”
“We’re not sweeping anything. Abi I resemble APC ni? There’s no issue from my end baby boy. You’re the one seeing issues where there’s none”
Toh. I see issues, I know them when I see them and this is not what we used to have. People saw love in us, people saw us as examples”
“What now happened?”
“I wouldn’t know Queen. I just know you changed”
“So its about Queen ehn? What did you do to make me change?”
“Forget blame games darling. Let’s see and talk all these over”
“See? Where? When? How? Why?”
“You want me to answer one by one?”
“Dotun, my credit has finished. We talk later”
“I’ll call immediately”
I ended the call and heaved; my emotions, a bag of contradictions. I was planning to buzz Sam and seek his opinion when Queen’s message dropped.

“Don’t bother calling me, let jus chat”
“Since that’s what u want my lady”
“What’s with all these patronizing u’ve been doing? It doesn’t move me Dotun”
“I understand things have gone the opposite way Queen. I know my words have no meaning to u again, I know there’s a drift in your feelings”
“Hmmmm”
“What I did to make dat happen is lost on me. I agree we’ve not bn findin it easy understanding one another but dats no reason to jus giv up on evrytin we hav”
” Ehen? So we hav smth yet u go actin lyk nothin matters when we have issues”
“Let’s jus c to sort all these out”
“See u? Me see u Dotun? I don’t wanna but I will. That won’t change nada tho, I’ve had enough of all these”
“Enough of us? Then you shld say it to my face, not by chat”
“What difference does it make? Say on phone, say on chat, say face to face”
“The difference is we should see”
“When do u wanna? I’m not coming over sha o”
“Saturday, I’ll be at your house”
“Ok then. Gdnyt Dotun”
The sad smile that had been forming came playing on my lips. That was a time when I could do with company from my friends but at that time of the day, everyone was either sleeping or minding their business.
I left the couch in the living room and walked slowly into the room, throwing myself on the mattress as I waited for sleep to take me away from the worries of the world
*****************************
The emotional turmoil I had been in for days made me forget to follow up Lara and Cleo. Even Cynthia noticed something was not right. She complained about our chats being “bland, uninteresting and non encouraging enough nowadays”.

I did not hide anything from her. I made her realize I was trying to get closure with Queen and sort out my emotional issues.

“Wetin be her own? Shebi she’s in love with someone else”

I just smiled. Times when I converse with my subconscious are very tricky, especially when I am not alone. I have always resisted the temptation to voice out in response lest anyone around thinks I am running amock slowly.

Finally getting a grip, I dialled Lara’s to familiarize. It was an interesting one after the first meeting. Major reason for the call was to put my mind on someone apart from Queen. That worked to a reasonable extent but I still felt I forgot something. Relaxing totally, I tried to remember and I nailed it, I needed to reach Cleo.

“Hey preeeety. How ya doon?”
“Oh! You’d recognize my voice without saving my number huh? Quite good”
“Don’t mind me Cleo, I’ve been very busy after Tokunbo’s wedding. Money must be made if I intend to marry you nah”
“I’m not kidding. So you think I didn’t show you I wanted that?”
“We meet when? Saturday? I have an engagement in the morning but I’ll be in Ib later that day”
“No worries bae, with me around there would be no boredom again”

I blessed whoever or whatever reminded me to call Cleo that day. Interacting with her sort of lifted a load off my back. The call was not a very long one but it was enough to set the tone for a meet up, one that could be the launch pad to see if she could be the one to replace Queen. I felt a pull towards Lara but Cleo represents a fantastic long term option, one I intend taking if all things went my way. Before that however, there is the big business of me and Queen getting things settled. The way that goes would determine whether I would just trace my steps back to Cleo or create the path that leads to Lara.

I was already toying with the idea of ending up with someone absolutely fresh. No strings from the past, no old allegiances, no blast from the past, just something fresh, something totally new. Only one person is that, Lara it is.

Call me confused or whatever you want to, it is not my fault absolutely. I have tried my best with those I have been with but fate and destiny have said no to any alliance with them. With this multiple options however, I intend to make a choice, and a very good one at that.

Initially it was between Queen and BG, now the race has been thrown open again. Cleo is making a rapid incursion into my head and mind, Lara represents one of the things I have been considering, Cynthia has refused to go away despite her “I’m-madly-in love-with-him” admission and of course there is the Queen of the manor, the one I love but don’t understand.

If you have made the choice of someone to marry, I hail you plenty. No be small thing at all at all.

However this ends, I know I am making a choice that would make me happy at the end of it all.
“Sure, and very well so man. No worry ehn”

*******************************
She was not expecting to see me waiting at the gate. I sighted her from afar as she swayed towards me. Her attractive features: angelically pretty face, well sculpted body, very infectious smile and her out of the world gait. I imagined how fulfilling it would be to own her to myself forever.

“Aren’t you the one who say there is no forever? You keep contradicting yourself big head”
“Yeah man, the only forever is till death do us part”

I smiled, a dual purpose smile. The way my subconscious termed me contradictory made me smile, then I left it on my emotionally tired face hoping she would see me from afar as she approached the car park, chatting away with her colleagues.

A few metres away from me and our eyes met. My heart skipped a beat, the way it had been doing for a while now. Each time I saw her change her Display Picture on her BBM, my heart skipped.

One thing about Queen is the ease with which she hides our regular issues. She would never let people around her know when we have issues. On sighting me she beamed into one of her most original smiles. I was used to her doing that.

“Hello baby boo boo”, she threw herself at me in a very full embrace. I played along straightway.
“Heyyyyy, here’s the one who rules the manor. I’m good darl”

Her colleagues looked at one another, then they started giggling and making faces; women and their yeye aproko. She did not allow them too much time.

“Won’t you ladies join in and let’s take you halfway?”

As if remote-controlled, the duo entered, settled at the back of the car and started their female chatter. I hardly heard them really, the only thing on my mind was the make or mar with Queen. Her expression gave nothing away, she just sat half-turned to her friends and was engrossed in their Kim Kardashian nonsense talk.

How that one take add join the coins wey dey my account? If Kim K likes, she should stop wearing clothes altogether and if she is ashamed of nudity, a pant would suffice for her.

Thankfully there was no traffic so we moved pretty fast and in no time we reached their stop. The hour of reckoning had come, we had to talk the talk.

Queen was the next to look as if someone was pressing a button to control her movement. Once her colleagues alighted, her smile disappeared.

“Brace up man, this might get dirty”
“Where are we headed?”, I asked, praying she would prefer her house. She replied as if she had read my mind.
“I thought we agreed to see on Saturday”
“Yeah we did”
“So why are you here today? What’s behind your Mr. Nice?”
“Nothing Queen. I don’t think its inappropriate to come pick you”
“When did that start?”
“When did what start? Why is it always easy for you to pick quarrels and misunderstand me?”

In no time we were there and I could not be thankful enough that another potential argument was put to the death. Refusing to waste time on irrelevances, I went straight to our discourse.

“What’s happened to us Queen?”
“Hmmmmm”
“There you go babes, you won’t gimme a reasonable answer apart from this hmmm thingy”
“What do you want me to say nah?”
“There’s the place of communication in relationships. Communication is key and that’s one place we never found”
“Were you willing?”
“I was, but you have not allowed us to sort things out”
“Dotun I’m tired. We haven’t found a common ground of recent. Its tiring for me Dotun”
“It is for me too Queen. I’ve been trying to put on a brave face dear. You came into my life as an answered prayer”
“Hmmmm”
“When I was rock bottom Queen, I was at my lowest and you came to lift me”
“Hmmmmmmm”
“I thought the search was over. You swore to be forever near me Queen but like the setting sun you’re here deserting me, fading”
“I no dey fade o, God won’t let me fade in Jesus name”
“I asked God for you and he gave me you. Who and what is taking you away? I have fond memories of our times and I believe we can still make this work”
“I’ll tell you the truth boyfriend, I don’t feel what I used to feel for you. No fond memories at all”
“What have I done?”
“Nothing Dotun. I’m just tired of this”
“Meaning?”
“Whatever that means to you”

My heart started beating faster. A part of me did not take her serious but another part knew that was her verdict.

“I get you Queen. Whatever happens, don’t let’s burn the bridge we built. It may be the route that would lead back to one another”
“Hmmmm. I need to eat Dotun, I wanna buy something at the neighbourhood market”
“Meaning I should start leaving ehn?”
“You may wait. Just help lock the door the way you always do”
She walked out. I could not help but look as she exited her living room.
“Is this really happening?”
“I’ll pour cold water on you so you can know. Babe’s gone man. Don’t suffer yourself o”
“Just like that abi?”
“Na hin Dot. Calm down sha, every go make sense”

I got up immediately and followed after her. “Wait babe. Secure your crib, I’m leaving”, I said smiling.

I found my way out of her compound and straight into my car which still smelt of her sweet perfume. The car seat was willing to accept my weak body and mind. It hugged me tightly from my butt as I sank into it, resting my head. I picked my phone and typed in furiously.

“TGIF.We see over the weekend as agreed. I’ll hit Ib later tonight. Keep tomorrow free for me”

BEST MAN DUTY #13

BMD this week is dedicated to my wonderful friend and personal person, Dayo Alajiki. Thanks for making me write this serial. Congratulations on taking that huge steps sweet one. Congratulations to one of our most avid readers and a wonderful colleague, Khadijat Oyewola. Your new home is blessed by the grace of the Almighty.
I remember my grandfather today. Today makes it a year he went to be with The Lord. Rest Baba, your words still reverberate. Now to today’s business…
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Read Previous episodes
Read previous episodes…
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BMD 3 on http://wp.me/p2tpoY-a8
BMD 4 on wp.me/p2tpoY-ag
BMD 5 on http://wp.me/p2tpoY-al
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BMD 7 0n http://wp.me/p2tpoY-aB
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Accuracy with time was needed in my trip to Port Harcourt and I had that on my side. There has to be something good about Cynthia as all that has to do with her always falls into place. I had told Sam that Cynthia would meet me at the airport but there was a change. The client I was to meet offered to send me a pick up vehicle owing to the fact that he needed to get things sorted fast and fly top Abuja for another meeting. I had no choice but to go with his arrangement, and with that went all my rehearsed airport reunion with Cynthia.
“Jus lemme know how to hook up wif u when you’re done”
I grinned again. She would not even complain that I informed her late about the change. Of course, maybe I had been too consumed with her having her around because I had no reason to see her until I got the business end of my trip sorted. On the other hand however, there was no need to hide from her because her prayers worked when I needed them most. You should understand the fact that I have not felt the kind of concern that she showed me in a while.
Things moved pretty fast and as expected, I was done by midday. There was always the likelihood that I was going to stay till the next day. I checked into the hotel room and got busy immediately, tidying up some other stuff I was to present in Lagos by the end of the week. I was in a very chummy mood while all of that was going on and with the brain gradually entering my relaxed mood, I abandoned the work and called Cynthia. As she always did, she answered on the first ring.
“Are you through?”
“Okay ping me the address. I should be with you asap”
She sounded a bit formal, not quite as creamy as she normally would sound. I kept trying to place what could have gone wrong. Here was someone whose mood never seemed to be on the downside now sounding all cold.
“Only goes to show she’s human mate. Get on with the P”
I grabbed my phone to call her back but I could not do more than fiddle with it. There was nothing to do again: work was done, boredom was setting in and BG was not sounding quite receptive. Times like that, the social media came in handy. I opened my twitter timeline and scrolled, looking for news, links to articles, an interesting conversation to follow and maybe a twitfight and subs, especially between those whose only work on twitter was to discuss politics.
Those guys are actually annoying. I daily wonder how they manage to discuss and diss one another, taking sides while some useless old men come together to rape the country of our commonwealth. When I take a look at words they write on social media, I shake my head for the future of my country. Are these ones a part of the future generation? These ones reason with their anus for Chrissakes
“That’s the same way I’m shaking mine for you. Call BG, you’re thinking politics and governance. I know you’re bored when your thinking goes in that direction”
I ignored him and continued my musing, then my eyes caught it. This was not like what I saw at The Meeting Point, this was real, and I was going to call Queen out big time.
************************************
I was seated at the hotel bar. Cynthia’s pings were not dropping, her phone was not connecting, and nothing was going the way I wanted after the positivity in the early part of the day. I was still angry, though not shocked at my discovery. The bar lady kept stealing glances at me, smiling each time our eyes met. I asked for my brand of drink, one that falls in the category of ‘mildly alcoholic’ as Sam would put it. Although Farouk would still refuse to agree, dude would say “we are all drinkers”.
“Dey dia dey deceive unaself. Whush one be mild drink? We are all bloody drinkers, we are drunks”, the big head would say. How I miss ’Rook, at the Meeting Point. We might sit and fight more than half of the time but Farouk still rocks. He has been away from town on one of his auditing trips. He always came back well wadded. That was maybe why his mouth never stopped running.
The bar lady winked again and I returned with a smile. It would not be totally bad if I play the flirty game. A few minutes after that, she came out of the cubicle and took a stroll down to the reception. She walked in measured steps, swaying her moderately built behind majestically as she walked on. I stole a glance when other guys were gawking, looking as if their eyes would detach from their sockets. As she did the seductress’ look and walk back into the bar, she locked her gaze with mine and flashed that ‘Delilahic’ smile again. I was contemplating playing along, thinking of going to strike a conversation with her and flirt a bit.
“Who knows where it would end”
“You must be high on whatever it is you drank. You wanna go set p with a bar lady when BG can walk in any time?”
“She has not called to say she’s enroute or otherwise man. Stop castigating me, a boy gotta make himself feel good sometimes. Like check if I still got game in me”
“Okay o, continue. Na so you dey eff up all the time. Imagine you cozying up to her when BG comes in”
“That’s not gon’ be a good sight man”
“Then use your head!”
The man in me can be extremely rational and that ruins my mojo many times. On second thought however, I always seem to see the sense in his efforts at setting me straight.
As I made to get up and resist the temptation, my phone beeped. Cynthia was asking for the address.
“I’m around GRA already. What’s the name of the hotel?”
I did not delay for a minute. I typed the name and description furiously. The time has finally come; I am meeting my Best Girl, right in her own backyard.
“This better be good Dot. No needless talks, just banter as you’ll normally do. Remember, no needless talks”
“Yessir. I’m gon’ make you proud”
“You berra do. I’ll be watching from here”
He gave me a high five and went hiding in his innermost part, promising not to disturb me at all. I was going to get back into my room and have Cynthia come to meet me but I wanted to show off to the bar lady. I wanted her to know I had a stunning beauty that was not in her class, I wanted her to see why I could afford to ‘resist’ her seducing glances and smile.
The minutes felt like hours and then there was the message.
“I just drove in. wia u @”
“Pass the reception and ask for the bar. Do I hav to describe me”
“Maybe u shld. Whoever told u I wont recognize my Best boi”
“Loooooooolz. Let’s see if u will. I’m diff from d last me u saw Cynth”
“What’s da diff?”
“I’ll let u find out. I can assure u the diff is clear sha”
“Okay then, I’m right at d entrance sha, and I see the difference in u. not too much for me to not recognize d man dat christened me Best Girl”
I turned my chair, and faced the entrance. There she stood, rested on the wall behind her. Her smile was more colourful than the rainbow. I was not sure whether to stand and walk to her or sit and drink in the sight of her splendid beauty.
He promised to not say anything but I guess he was also struck by her celestial look.
“Dot, Queen is pretty. I mean very pretty but BG is the complete package. See as she set, every man in this bar is looking at her Dot. You can kill me now that I have broken my promise to hide”
“Please let me concentrate. I should not let this time slip”
After I regained my senses, I got up and opened my arms smiling. She then got walking again, and right into my arms. I felt the fullness of her body as she surrendered and crashed into my open arms. The cynosure of the whole bar at that instant, I felt more important than Barack Obama. I felt more like a Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi rolled into one. My eyes caught ‘Delilah’ at that instant and she smiled. It was my turn to wink, a very sensual one which she returned.
We finally disentangled and left the bar for the restaurant. As we went step by step, we started talking, trying to catch up on the days and times.
“See my phone screen. Remember the day I told you I got careless and the phone dropped”
“Yea babes. There’s a lil’ crack on it”
“Yup, and you were yabbing me that I can afford to let my phone drop cos I’m rich”
“Will you women ever forget trivial things?”
“How will they forget? They’re women, I am Cynthia”
“Yes, you’re Cynthia my Best Girl”
“And you’re Dotun. Everybody’s Dot, my own Best Boy”
“I like the sound of that. You wan kolobi me for yourself abi?
We walked on hand in hand, talking and laughing like love birds till we got to the hotel’s restaurant. I ordered just jollof rice and chicken and she started sermonizing about meat and all that nutrition nonsense.
Who cares about nutrition when there’s Best Girl around?
*************************************
One look at the suit we were wearing and I knew I would love the look of it on me. Tokunbo’s dress sense and colour combination has never been an issue. He had cancelled the order placed for the initial Best Man and here I was, the professional Best Man.
Prior to meeting Cynthia at Sam’s wedding, I had been a Best Man at a boring Registry wedding and another wedding of a neighbour. Boring would be an understatement in attempts to describe the Registry wedding. Most of the people at that wedding were not just my kind of people so I just did my Best Man duty and left without even bothering to settle the bride and groom in their hotel room.
The second Best Man duty was interesting. Elite gathering, beautiful setting, pretty set of ladies on the bridal train, bla bla bla. It was the exact kind of wedding anyone would be willing to feature in. The rubbish guy that was getting married knew what I could do and was repeatedly warning me off the Chief Bridesmaid, as if the girl was a kid. To ask the girl question pertaining to the program was war. The groom almost recited “Dot don’t talk to her” as part of his vows. He pushed me so bad I had to give him a bit my tongue’s causticity.
“Bros easy nah. You for kukuma marry your wife’s sis nah. Abi by ordinary talk person dey set P with babe”.
He had to apologize for embarrassing me, and I grudgingly accepted, knowing he had his reasons for doing that. Don’t we all have reasons for our actions?
At Tokunbo’s wedding however, it was looking like the kind of wedding I would be proud to Best Man. The planning was perfect in all its ramifications. That came as no surprise knowing the perfectionism of my aunt, Tokunbo’s mom and her son who was getting married. Nothing was left to chance at all and that made the wedding rock.
I had informed Cynthia that I had another Best Man duty and she promptly told me to not look at the Best Girl “because you already have one”. I smiled but the meaning of those words was not lost on me. A bond that had developed between myself and Cynthia due to Queen’s irascibility, Cynthia’s lack of commitment to her boyfriend and a few other things making everything align in our favour.
The Chief Bridesmaid at Tokunbo’s wedding was a tall, slim, chocolate skinned one. Not very pretty but not on the wor-wor side either. She had a good rear view, something close to the hour glass shape that many daily pray to God for. A finer face would have complemented that to-die-for shape better. As I normally do on a Best Man assignment, I greeted her with an outstretched right hand, shaking her firmly with a “good morning, Dot’s the name”. She accepted the handshake and gave a very welcome smile.
“You would like this one eh”
I started bantering almost immediately
“It would be our turn one day”
“Our turn?”
“Now I don’t mean the two of us as a couple”
“Ohhh, now I get you”
“Even at that, who says we can’t be standing before a congregation as bride and groom one day”
She just smiled, and said some words I could not fathom. Of course I was not interested in hearing what she was saying. I was flirting again, and that was not meant to be in the script but I was writing it in. I was looking around, thinking of how to carry on my ‘activity’ with the Chief Bridesmaid when I saw someone that looked familiar.
She looked every inch like Lara, my old squeeze from the days of yore. This wedding was definitely going to bring memories that would not go in a while. There was no way I would get up behind Tokunbo so I stayed still, making sure I noted where she was seated. The Pastor guy did not waste time at all, he moved swiftly from one item to the other.
By the time we were dancing back into the auditorium after signing the Marriage Certificate, we passed the spot where the Lara was seated. It was an exact replica of who I thought it was but this one was a bit slimmer and bustier, my fetish. I saw the bride and Chief Bridesmaid exchange full smiles with her and I knew I was not going to let that pass.
“You guys were smiling at one lady while we were dancing back in the other time, who is she?”, I queried the Chief Bridesmaid
“Of all the ones we smiled and greeted, how would I know the one you are saying?”
I gave a description of who I was referring to, inch perfect description, complete with where she was seated and the people around her. That was made easier because of the gele skentele of two women behind. She knew at once who it was.
“Who is she? She’s one of our friends from way back”
“She looks like someone I know from way back too. Can you please tell me what her name is?”
“She’s Lara. Why do you wanna know?”
“Now this is plain crazy. The one I know that looks like her also answers that name”
“We attended the same Secondary school here in Ibadan”
“That’s where the diff comes in. My own Lara went to one of the Federal Government Colleges. I’d like to get up close with this your Lara. I want to go as far as taking a shot with her so I can show the other Lara”
“A shot? Who’ll shoot you both, Boko Haram, Bakassi or OPC?”
“Haba Best Lady, I mean take a picture together. Don’t be a meanie”
“Better. Let’s see if we can make that happen”
“I’ll appreciate that. I want to show the picture to my own Lara in Lagos”, I lied.
“You said that already mister”
As we got outside of the auditorium, the Best Lady or Chief Bridesmaid or Best Girl or whatever you choose to call her made sure I met Lara and had a picture taken with the two of them. As a sharp boy, I made sure I took some time to chit chat with Lara and took her contact.
“You need am man, nice one. This one wey you nor sabi as Queen dey do, just keep all options open”
“Yeah man, my matter don taya me sef. No where wey I go reach wey I no go see person wey I sabi”
The reception was to hold in the hall of the Church where the wedding took place. So it was a short drive to the hall which stood at the back of the church auditorium.
I alighted and sighted Cleo instantly. It was a pleasant surprise by all standards. I could sleep and wake up and still recognize Cleo with one eye half opened. I left Tokunbo’s side for the first time and went straight where I saw Cleo.
You must be wondering where she came from. Cleo used to be one babe I should have dated. I held back too long, trying to figure out if we could get into a serious relationship. Before I knew what was happening, she told me she had to leave the country to further her studies. At that time, it was opportunity lost for me because I absolutely felt good about her.
We communicated well for a while till distance crept in. I would ping and she would not respond on time. She would do the same and I would be unavailable. Little by little, the feelings faded; especially when Queen emerged on the scene. We still were cordial but the closeness was virtually non-existent.
I walked up to her and tapped her by the shoulder. Shocked and surprised, Cleo flew into my arms, hugging me tightly.
“Dotunnnnnn, its been ages”
“Yeah babes. When did you get back?”
“Back ke? I’m visiting for the yuletide ni o lover boy”
“See big girl”
“Go jor. Where’s that your babe that let you forget me?”
“Cleopatra! Nobody made me forget you jor. How come you’re at the wedding and I did not know?”
“I ran into Toks at the mall last week and he told me about his wedding. This one that I’m on hols, I said lemme go to owambe. I miss proper Naija owambe, its always different from the abridged US version”
“Tokunbo didn’t mention that to me o. Quite nice of you Cleo. See you looking so good”
“And you look as good as you want me to believe I do. My finest Dot, that your fine babe nko? Remind me that her name”
“The recurring decimal creeps into this convo again ehn!”
“Queen ehn”, I replied smiling. “She’s fine. Unable to attend because she also has a family function”
It was time for the couple to enter the hall and I had to go with them.
“Cleo, where are you seated? Don’t go o, we should catch up nah”
“Sure sure, I’m going nowhere without spending some time with you”
“In fact, gimme your digits so I can locate you”
I handed my phone to her and she quickly punched her number in. By then, Tokunbo was beckoning for me to come and let us enter the hall, dancing to one of these new Naija wedding songs.
“Now this is what I mean Dot. See as every dey set for your way”
“Halleluyah brother, my path drips fatness”
“You’re a joker man”
“You dunno here’s my old stomping ground, and the land is nice to me again today”